“Aaron—fuck me—there, there.” He groans against me, thrusting into me, talking into my ear like I need his words to come.
“Come for me, baby. Seal this—make yourself mine for good. I’m never letting you go.Ah, fuck, baby—fuck—you feel so good.”
“Hnghh, please. Harder.”
“Anything for you—anythingforever. I love you, Benjamin.”
My vision blurs and I come. I can’t breathe so I’m just choking—twitching, whining. Aaron feels it—fucks me through it, keeps fucking me even when I stop coming and the orgasm just doesn’t fuckingstop.
“All mine, all mine—yeah, aw fuck—I’m gonna come. Please—fuck.” I don’t know what he’s asking for but I feel him growing more and more chaotic—feel his frenzy and it’s so overwhelming—so entirely Aaron that I want to eat him. I want to tell him again.
“I love you, Aaron.”
In a flash of searing white-hot pain Aaron latches onto the nape of my neck—sinking his teeth in so deep I think he’ll take a chunk out of me. He’s slamming into me, groaning and groaning, a hand moving to the top of my head to keep me here—to keep me with him. His mouth unlatches from my neck and he’s still thrusting.
“Fuck—so good—you feel so good it just won’t stop.” He whines—moving his hands to my hips, holding onto me. I can feel his tears falling onto my back. I wish I could hold him.
“It’s okay, Aaron.” I tell him—but I can’t see him, so I don’t know if it helps. “It’s okay, baby.” He whines once more and stills. After a few beats he pulls out, immediately covering my hole to keep the come inside.
I can feel the tremors moving through him—the sweat and tears dripping off of his body onto mine, the force of each breath. He’s just used every ounce of his energy and claimed me in a way that only a wild animal could have. He has made me his in the most effective, permanent way he knows how to.
I was already so undeniably devoted to him before—this new scar will only remind me of that devotion. It will remind me of the time Aaron loved me with everything he had. Every breath he took.
“You’re bleeding, I’m sorry.” He says and he sounds exhausted. “I think I got carried away again.” He’s embarrassed. I still can’t seehim.
“I like it.” I say. “If you bandage it for me, I’ll forget all about the pain.” Aaron laughs, moving his finger and allowing his come to drip out of me. He goes to wash his hands.
As we sit in the bathroom a few minutes later, he cleans my neck gently. It stings and I can tell it’ll take a while to heal.
“This will definitely scar. It should cover the two small marks from before.” He says—pressing kisses around it like he’s making offerings. I feel him lay the bandage down.
“Then everyone will know.” Is my only response. He pushes my chest back so that I lean back against him.
“Sleep with me tonight.” I peer up at him, and his eyes are so scared—so full of love and desperation.
“Where else would I go?” I ask him—to which he kisses me. Slow and sweet and then deep and tense like he’s giving me another secret—making another confession.
We lay down and he holds me from behind so tightly that I struggle to breathe. Aaron keeps kissing my hair and my shoulders and the bandage.
I can practically feel the anxiety—the panic surging off of him. It tells me everything I need to know. That we both know what comes tomorrow. I never thought that I’d have something to miss so fiercely when I left this world.
But I will. I’ll miss him more than I’ll miss breathing—more than I’ll miss the sun or having a physical body to move through the open air.
If I could come back to this lifetime as someone new—if I could come back to this Aaron as a good Benjamin—I’d pay any price, make any promise, send every prayer.
If I had known knowing me would damn him to this sorrow, I would have killed myself before we ever met. But now I’m wrapped up in his arms, and he’s wrapped up in this hell I’ve been born into.
How can I say goodbye without saying it? How can I let my little blue bird go without accidentally clipping a wing?
It doesn’t matter anyway—I feel his breathing—so gentle and sweet, and he’s asleep. No goodbyes necessary.
I want to look at him again before I go. I want to kiss him one last time—to take in his face and watch the peace unfold. To know that’s what I’m leaving behind for him. A chance at peace.
But I don’t want to wake him. So—I lay here for a bit longer and slip out the front door.
???
Bright and early the next morning I’m banging on Mad Dog’s door. He isn’t very happy with me—but he’s happy with money.
