“Bullshit. You’ve been mine for over a decade. From the moment we met it was set in motion. If that’s true, then I’m already ruined and I accept it.”
I can’t speak—I don’t know what to say to him. If this ends up being a lie… if tomorrow comes and this is taken from me after I’ve accepted it—believed in it—I will die.
But if it’s true—if it’s real and he loves me just as much as I’ve always loved him—he’llbe the one to die. By my own hands, I will pull the life from his eyes, bit by bit. I’m just no good.
“Button, tell me.” He pleads, his tears falling—soaking into my hair, drenching my neck. “Tell me you’re in love with me too—that all this time we’ve been coming back to each other over and over wasn’t just because I can’t live without you—but you can’t live withoutme.” He’s sobbing now, hunched over, staring right at me with so much hope—so much fear. I could never lie to him anyway.
I bring my hand up to his cheek, my palm now drenched with his tears. He’s shaking against it with the force of his cries.
“My little blue bird.” I coo at him, hoping to calm him but it just makes him sob harder. He holds my wrist, making sure I can’t pull away. “I have always loved you. I will never love anyone else the way I love you. With this kind of devotion.”
Aaron’s forehead falls to mine and he grabs my cheeks.
“I’m sorry.” He cries. “I’m so sorry. I should have been there. I should have chased you down when you ran from the café despite what Felix said. I should have kept following you…” His voice cracks. “At that fucking party. I should have kept following you. I would have saved you. I should have and I failed you.I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh.” His face is buried in my neck and I’m trying not to sob with him. I didn’t know he was holding this guilt. I gave him this guilt. It’s already begun.
“I hate him. He should have been with you.He was allowed to be with you.He didn’t… He didn’t help you.” He’s talking about Drew, I know he is. My little blue bird.
“Hey—” I grab his face, bringing it in front of mine. He’s wrecked—tears everywhere, face red, hair matted. “Fuck him. I never loved him. He sucks.” Aaron nods. “None of that is your fault.”
“I should have—” I kiss him. I kiss him and taste his tears and swallow his cries.
“I love you.” I tell him, kissing him again. “I worship you.” He rolls off of me, pulling me on top of him.
“Benjamin.” His eyes are so watery, so serious and full. “Let me take care of you. Let me love you.”
Leaning down, I lick his cheeks, collecting his tears with the metal ball. Aaron moans, gripping my hips tightly. And so I lie to him—for the very first time I lie to him.
“Okay.” I whisper, grinding my hips down onto him naked and hard. “Okay, my Aaron. My darling God.” Aaron sits up—wrapping an arm around my waist, kissing me rough—hard.
His other hand wraps around the back of my neck, taking me with him as he stands onto his knees.
“I spent years dreaming of this.” He says—laying me down under him, watching me with this uncovered fire I’ve only ever seen the surface of. Fuck. He really will eat me. “Dreaming of you like this—under me,loving me.”
“Aaron.” I’m moaning and he hasn’t even touched me yet.
“Yeah, baby.” He slides his hands under my hips to grab meand lift them off the bed. I watch him as he licks and kisses my stomach—my hips, the tops of my thighs, the top half of me still lying on the bed. “I want to be so embedded into you that no one ever looks at you again.”
He’s still holding my hips up to him—my hard cock in his face. His eyes are raking over my body.
“Please—” I start to beg.
“Fuck, Button—I’m trying not to come.” My dick jumps, hands tightening around the comforter. “I just… fuck—I have you, right? You’re all mine now? For real this time?” He looks down my body to my face—searching my eyes.
This is not a lie. I am relieved to give him a truth.
“Yes. All of me.” No one else will ever touch me again.
“Fuck.” He shudders—bringing his lips back to me, taking my dick into his mouth with one big inhale.
“Aaron!” I scream, my hands flying to his hair, yanking on it like I might die. One arm wraps under my hips to hold me where I am—the other hand snakes down my stomach, ghosting fingers all over me—sending shock waves through me as he chokes on my dick over and over.
“Hnghh.” He groans—eyes on me, hooded and so fucking filthy. He’s staring at me like he’s thanking me for letting him suck it—for feeding him.
“Aaron, I’m already so close—ahh—baby please—I’m—” He pulls off of me, panting, lowering me back to the bed.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Benjamin. Your whole life you’ve been so fucking beautiful.”
