“Are you fucking kidding me?” I slammed himinto a wall—causing him to yelp. “You couldn’t tell your boyfriend’s been fucked up?! Didn’t see it on his face? All the weight he’s losing?” Drew’s face paled then—eyes going wide.
“I just thought… I mean something has been weird but drugs? Are you sure? He’s been enthusiastic and a little twitchy but that doesn’t necce—”
“He’s coming off of Oxy at this very moment you fucking moron. For two weeks straight he’s been fucked up.” Drew covered his mouth with his hand—eyes watering. Pathetic.
“Oh God. Is he okay? What happened?” Oh—I was going to kill him.
“Have you had sex with him in the past two weeks?” He narrowed his eyes at me—suddenly irritated.
“That’s none of your business.”
“Answer or I’m shoving my foot up your ass.” He thought about it for a moment—looked like he was about to talk some more shit but then thought better of it.
“Yes.” My fist connected with the wall next to his head and he flinched—hard.
Benjamin had been raped then came home, got strung out, and pretended like nothing was wrong. Smiled—laughed, went to classes, had sex with his boyfriend who couldn’t even bother to notice he wasn’t okay. I can’t even imagine how panicked—how scared he must have been even with the drugs helping him appear fine, feel good.
“You are a piece of shit, Drew. For all the time I’ve known you—you’ve been a piece of fucking shit. Jealous—angry, vindictive. I left you alone for Benjamin’s sake—but if anything happens to him—if I lose him—it’ll be your head first.” Drew stared at me for a long moment before his lips curved into a cruel grin.
“Careful Aaron—you’re starting to sound like you’re in love with my boyfriend.”
I’d punched him one more time—a solid hit to the stomach, and left him there on the floor. He was right—I was.
Now he’s in their band, a part of Benjamin’shealing journey, and I haven’t spoken to him since the last time he shivered in a cold sweat—clinging to me while he cried in my arms. It’s so unfair—so fucked, and all my fault. I should have kept looking. When hedisappeared from the last room I should have kept looking. He didn’t need space, he neededme.
I could’ve stopped her, I could have saved him. I failed. It’s my fault. The front door opens and closes—Amber strutting in like she lives here which she most certainly does not.
“Hey, babe. Ready to go out tonight?” I shake my head at her, taking my plate to the sink to wash it. She trails behind me—heels clacking obnoxiously. “Aaron—you’re coming.”
“Where, Amber? Where are you trying to take me?” I don’t sound amused and honestly, I’m not in a good mindset for partying. I haven’t been in a while.
“Cavetown.” I look over my shoulder, eyes snapping down to find hers.
“No.”
“Comeon! He won’t see you—we can blend. And Fe will be devastated if you miss his first live show.” Groaning, I head to my room, plopping down on my bed—face in my pillows.
“I’ll go next time.” My voice is muffled. Benjamin used to sleep here.
“No—you’ll go tonight. I know you want to see him. To hear him.”
I lift my head to look at her. Her knowing blue eyes and gentle smile. For all the years I’ve known her—she’s the same fucking siren she’s always been.
“I won’t drink and I’m wearing a baseball cap.” Amber grins, jumping up to pull out a pair of jeans and a black shirt from my closet, throwing them at me.
“You’ll wear this. Until then—movie day!”
???
We’re getting our IDs checked by the bouncer at Cavetown. Anyone under twenty-one gets a stamp—but they’re notoriously known for not caring either way once you get to the bar.
Amber gets herself a drink and joins me toward the back of the club. It’s a good size but not too big. One story—plentyof chairs and tables spread around with a huge dance floor in the center. The stage is at the very back—the bar set off to the side. Lights flash and fog machines are triggered. We stand at the edge of the crowded dance floor so I can see the stage better but not be close enough to be recognized under my hat.
Lights dim around us and people begin to cheer.
“Ladies and gentlemen—please welcome our newest members—Phoebe!” I look at Amber.
“Yeah, that’s them. Fe as in Felix—B for Bear. Sounds like Phoebe. Fee-bee. Get it?” She’s giggling and I must admit—it’s kind of cute.
