“No. I don’t want him to see me.” Felix sighs.
“Jesus, Aaron.”
“How is he?” I know he won’t answer—he never does.
“Ask him yourself. Bub—you’ve known him for over ten years. Just talk to him.” I take another bite of my now-cold omelet.
“I hope the show goes well, Fe.”
“Ha—thanks. Gotta go, love you.” Felix disconnects the call and I stare at my plate in silence.
It’s been nine months since we got Benjamin off of Oxycodone. I’ve seen him several times since then—he’s just never seen me. All the weight he lost during those two fucked-up weekshas returned to him—his face filling back out. His eyes returned to that beautiful shade of hazel.
But he doesn’t laugh and he doesn’t smile. He hardly ever does. When spring semester started Benjamin was a zombie—so fucking depressed. I was constantly worried I’d get a call or someone knocking on my front door. But then Cammie asked Felix if he wanted to start a band since he played guitar. At first it was only supposed to be instrumental.
Benjamin joined as the lead singer somewhere in the beginning, and once he did, he started to look a little bit better. When I would watch him, he was always going to the studio space in the performing arts building. Always had earphones in—humming something. I don’t think anyone—including Benjamin himself—knew he had a talent for music. I haven’t heard him sing yet, but I’ve been told he’s incredible.
The only downside of this cute little arrangement is Drew. He was cast as the bass guitarist once Benjamin joined. He knew how to play and wanted to keep an eye on his boyfriend—so they let him.
It makes me laugh because really? Keep an eye on your boyfriend? Sure.
I almost beat the living daylights out of Drew twice last year under the same pretense.
The first incident being when I got a call; Felix was screaming that no one could find Benjamin—that the last place he’d been seen was the night before at the party we’d gone to. The last person I’d seen him with was Drew.
Luckily—Drew was with our little search party, so he was easy to find. I think Darian could see it in my eyes when I walked up.
“Aaron—stop.” He’d grabbed my arm and as I lunged forward, almost breaking free, Josh grabbed hold of me too.
“Where is he?” Drew stared at me in shock—still in his pajamas, hair a mess. “You were with him last. Did you let him wander off alone? Where did he go?” I was seething—red coated everything. I wanted his face on the concrete.
“I… he said he needed air, so he stepped out.” This fucking idiot.
“Stepped out to where,fuckface?” Drew glared at me, brave once I was held back.
“If I knew—would we be here?” I lunged again but Josh wrapped a brutishly big arm around my chest.
“Fuck you. Did you not follow him? Let him go alone?” Drew shrugged like I was being ridiculous.
“At the time it didn’t seem that serious. He’s grown. But after about an hour I got a little nervous, so I started calling him. He didn’t answer me so after I looked around for a bit I figured he went back to the dorm and was too drunk to remember to call.”
Everyone stared at him then in absolute silence.
“Can I let him go now?” Josh asked—clearly not very happy with Drew either. Felix shook his head as Drew took a step back.
“You didn’t bother to check on him for an hour—then after a few measly calls just gave up?” The glare Drew leveled me with then was demonic—like he was finally done with my being alive and was ready to end it for me.
“I didn’t give up, Aaron. I gave him space. Something you should learn how to do—fucking stalker.”
Josh dragged me away from there kicking and screaming. I threatened to kill him in so many different ways that I didn’t even know I was aware of. We continued our own search and as I was at the police station about to report Benjamin missing, Felix called me. He’d come back to the dorm looking absolutely hammered and acting like a rainbow was shoved up his ass.
And then I actually got to hit him when I found out Benjamin was on drugs. Once Felix took a shift with him at my apartment I went to Drew’s dorm and pounded on his door till it opened. Then—I shoved his little punk ass inside and connected my fist to his jaw. It’d been years in the making.
“What the fuck!?” He yelled, grabbing his face.
“How long?” Drew stared at me like I was crazy. “How long has he been on drugs?” I grabbed him by the shirt and he panicked.
“Who? Who’s been on drugs?!” I felt my entire body run cold at that moment. My eyes narrowed and my voice was so quiet I was surprised he even heard me when I said—
