‘No, you’re not,’ I said, doing my best not to look directly into his soulful brown eyes. Instead I studied the stubble on his chin, the healed-over mark of an old piercing in his left earlobe, silver ring on the middle finger of his right hand.
‘But Wyn’s not here and I am.’
The words settled on the ground around us like freshly fallen snow in the middle of July, so unexpected they stole my breath away.
‘I’m not asking you to make a choice,’ Jackson said, a hint of self-restraint tightening throat. ‘Only to hear me out. I am your friend, Emily, I always will be. Whatever you need from me, it’s yours, but after what happened last night, I don’t want to waste time wondering what if, so just think about it. You and me.’
It sang to me again, that sweet life I might’ve lived if I’d never left Savannah. But it was like he said, no point in wondering what if.
‘Jackson, you are so special to me,’ I said eventually, forcing myself to meet his eyes. ‘Beyond special. But I love Wyn and that isn’t going to change.’
He leaned in towards me and gripped the sofa, one hand on either side of my hips.
‘I don’t need you to stop loving Wyn. I just need you to love me more.’
The kiss he pressed to my cheek was so soft, I barely felt it. Lighter than the beat of a butterfly’s wings, there one heartbeatand gone the next. But when he pulled away, I was breathless. The look on his face was determined. He had hope.
He turned to leave, almost out the door when I remembered how to use my voice.
‘Jackson,’ I called and he stopped in his tracks.
‘When Wyn messages you back, will you please let me know right away?’
His shoulders sagged but he held his head high.
‘Will do,’ he replied.
‘Thank you.’
Our eyes locked and I saw a reflection of myself in him. Emily James Bell, Jackson’s version. She was confident, proud and capable. An Emily who laughed more easily and lived a life not quite so full of worry and angst. She looked happy and I realized I was envious of her. She was loved and she knew it. I wiped away a tear that came out of nowhere, half of me desperate for him to leave, half of me wondering what might happen if he stayed.
‘I don’t mind waiting,’ he said with a wistful smile. ‘I’ve been waiting on you since before you knew I existed.’
And then he was gone.
Chapter Eleven
I was in the library when Ashley found me hours later, once again carrying food.
‘Since you didn’t touch anything at breakfast.’
She placed her tray directly on top of my work, covering the yellow legal pads and Post-its and pencils. ‘Starving yourself isn’t going to help you fight your enemies.’
‘Might save some money on the grocery budget,’ I said as she opened a bag of chips and dumped them on a plate next to a turkey sandwich.
I fished out one small chip and took a bite, making a face as the salt crystals cracked on my tongue. She’d changed her clothes from this morning, her sweatpants replaced by tight flared jeans and a pretty floral shirt, her long brown hair braided over one shoulder.
‘What time is it?’ I asked.
‘Almost two.’
She pulled one of the yellow legal pads out from under the tray and squinted at my list.
‘Your penmanship is almost as bad as your biscuits. What’sthis? “How can I convince Lydia she doesn’t want to be a bitch?” Good luck with that.’
‘It says witch, as you well know,’ I said as she scanned the rest of it. ‘I thought if I wrote down everything I need to figure out, it might not seem so overwhelming.’
‘And?’
