‘Dad, it’s not even eight,’ his son replied. ‘Maybe don’t get on your vigilante shit until you’ve seen who it is.’
With a grunt and a groan, Derek left the table, chuntering under his breath as he went. I stared longingly at his plate next to my elbow, wondering if anyone would notice if I took a bite out of the bread, not really caring whether they did.
‘Lizzie!’ Derek yelled. ‘We’ve got company!’
In unison, Callum, Rory and his mother all dropped their napkins and sprinted out of the dining room.
‘Well, if we’re all going,’ I said, grabbing Derek’s bread, taking a huge bite then following the family down the hallway.
I arrived in the foyer just in time to see Derek standing dumbstruck by the open door as two figures came in from the cold.
Two terrifyingly familiar figures.
Please no, please no, please no, please no.
‘There she is!’ Desi thundered past Derek, stomping across the entrance hall in six-inch heels to give me a very aggressive hug. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this place has a fucking moat?’
‘It’s not a moat,’ I replied weakly as Joel followed her in, carrying two suitcases and throwing me a wink. ‘It’s a naturally occurring pond.’
‘Caroline,’ Derek said, reluctantly closing the door when it became clear his new guests had no intention of leaving any time soon. ‘Are these friends of yours?’
‘No,’ I replied vehemently. ‘Definitely not.’
‘Correct,’ Desi clucked. ‘I’m Caroline’s sister, Svetlana.’
I closed my eyes then opened them again, hoping the nightmare in front of me might disappear. Nope, they were still there, Desi and Joel gurning in my general direction, the entire McClay family looking horribly confused, Callum included. Ever the lady of the house, Lizzie recovered herself first.
‘You didn’t tell us you were expecting family,’ she said to me. ‘I would’ve invited them to dinner if I’d known they were in the area.’
‘She didn’t know!’ Joel crowed, turning in a slow circle to take in the splendour of the house. ‘We thought we’d pop in and surprise her.’
‘And you’re Caroline’s … brother?’ Derek guessed.
‘Brother-in-law,’ he said. ‘Svetty here is my darling wife.’
‘Are you sure about that?’ I glared at the pair of them as Joel covered a laugh with a less than convincing cough.
But Desi just nodded with glee. ‘Five years married and still at it like newlyweds so apologies if we get a bit handsy.’
‘And what about you?’ I said to Joel. ‘Are you going to tell everyone your name?’
He gave me a questioning look. ‘Still Joel.’
‘Fantastic.’ I pressed a hand to my forehead, my fake migraines quickly threatening to become a reality. ‘Now, would you like to tell me what the fucking fuck you’re doing here?’
‘Language, Caroline!’ Desi replied. ‘What would your godmother say?’
She turned to mouth the words “Judi Dench” and popped her eyes wide open.
‘Svetty was concerned,’ Joel explained as ‘Svetlana’brushed past Lizzie with an air hug before placing extravagant kisses on Derek’s cheeks. ‘I couldn’t have my beloved wife, who I am extremely sexually attracted to, worried all Christmas, so I said, let’s get in the car and drive up there. Ten hours later, here we are!’
‘Ten?’ Derek blustered, trying to politely step out of Desi’s clutches. ‘How fast were you driving?’
‘There is no speed limit on love,’ my alleged best friend replied. ‘And I’ve got a heavy foot at the best of times, haven’t I, Joel?’
‘All the better to step on my neck,’ he swooned and, beside me, Rory didn’t bother to cover his laugh this time. Callum, on the other hand, only looked alarmed.
‘Come here!’ I exclaimed, pulling Desi into a hug and holding her fast. ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ I hissed into her ear. ‘You cannot be here.’
