‘Because your parents were worried about drunk driving?’
‘Because the day after I passed my driving test, I borrowed it to go to the cinema and instead drove all the way down to Glastonbury festival, lost my phone, and they didn’t know where I was for five days.’
‘I wouldn’t lend you the car either,’ I replied, wondering what my dad would’ve done in that situation. He mostly took the bus to work so there was a good chance he wouldn’t notice I was gone as long as the car was back before he needed it to drive to football on Sundays. ‘You were a terror as a kid, then?’
‘Terror isn’t the word for it. Couldn’t wait to get away, could you, fannybaws?’
A man around our age slapped Callum around the back of the head with a well-used tea towel, a blue apron tied around his waist over a white T-shirt and black shorts, and a huge, friendly grin on his face.
‘That means cool genius, by the way,’ Callum replied before standing to clap his arms around the other man in an aggressive hug.
I stared at him in awe. Bare legs? In this weather? He had to be the toughest human being on the planet. That or he should be studied for science. Whipping away the tea towel, Callum used it to snap the backs of his legs, earning a litany of curses. Or at least I assumed they were curses, I only understood about three words out of every ten.
‘Laura, you might as well meet Graham since it’s too late to pretend I don’t know him,’ Callum said eventually.
‘Caroline,’ I corrected quickly as I rose from my chair to shake his hand. ‘I don’t know who this Laura is.’
Graham laughed, ignoring my hand and pulling me in for a hug.
‘Och, Cal, you’ve done it now, rolling in that much fud down south you can’t keep their names straight?’
‘Aye, that’s right,’ Callum replied, throwing me an appreciative glance for the save. ‘I’d like to keep it to one wifey, London’s too far for your ma to travel.’
Graham beamed at me, legs splayed in a confident stance, hands planted at his waist. ‘As much as I’d love to listen to your mannie blether on all night, we’re too busy for his shite right now. Are you wanting to eat?’
‘Yes,’ I replied before Callum could even open his mouth. ‘Yes, please.’
I read the menu over again and my stomach howled. Remembering my fake name was easy, remaining vegan outside Balmaclay was another thing altogether.
‘Does the steak come with chips?’ I asked, pressing my hands against my belly.
‘No, love, it comes with hamshank sauce and a hand shandy.’
‘Yes, it comes with chips,’ Callum said, arm flickingout lightning fast to slap his friend in a sensitive area with the back of his hand. ‘I’ll have the same, thank you, Gray.’
‘Hope I don’t forget which one’s been marinating in the cludgie. Welcome home, you wee shite.’
And with that, he gave me a wink, punched Callum in the arm and took his leave.
‘He seems nice,’ I said as Graham staggered away, openly rubbing at his crotch as he went. Callum, still adjusting his too long limbs to the too small chair, smiled and nodded.
‘Gray? He’s harmless. We grew up together.’
‘Funny that you both ended up as cooks.’
My question only earned a dismissive shrug.
‘Only one of us by choice,’ he replied. ‘I don’t think he’ll be able to mess up steak and chips but it’s not exactly Gray’s calling. His dad, James, owns the pub. He’s been working here since he was old enough to pick up empty glasses. He used to be the barman but he kept giving away free drinks to all the girls.’
I cast an eye around the room. Old men as far as the eye could see.
‘Can’t imagine that made much of a dent in the profits.’
‘He didn’t mind sampling the wares himself while he was at it,’ Callum admitted with a laugh. ‘And it would be fair to say I didn’t put my hand in my pocket for a few years. Probably owe James half my life savings. Gray is safer in the kitchen than he is with his dad’s collection of rare single malts.’
‘Correct me if I’m wrong but I think I’m picking up on a theme,’ I said as I sipped my boozy coffee, the good kind of burn scorching down my throat and intomy stomach. ‘Mal, Graham, your dad. Lots of men around here following in their fathers’ footsteps.’
He was still smiling as he brought his drink to his lips but the light was gone from his eyes. ‘Yeah, well, there aren’t that many jobs around here. If there’s a family business to fall into, most are grateful to get on with it.’
