‘This is the worst fucking idea you’ve ever had,’ Joe growled into my ear as he worked his way along it, teasing and testing, one finger tracing a line right down the middle, gliding back and forth. ‘We’re going to regret this tomorrow.’
‘Better make it something worth regretting then,’ I said, forcing my eyes open and staring straight into his with as much defiance as I could muster. He held me still as his fingers slid inside me, watching the sharp intake of breath as it filled my body. Still I didn’t look away, I watched him watch me, wonder on his face and a thick, hard erection throbbing impatiently against my thigh.
‘Sophie, I—’ he started but I shook my head.
‘Don’t.’ I leaned into his body, the curve of his hand between my legs, my hips already moving to his rhythm. ‘Don’t say anything. Don’t make promises you’re not going to keep.’
‘I can think of one I can keep.’ The edges of his wordsalready frayed as my breath came faster. ‘I said I’d make you come until you see stars.’
Finally, his lips found mine, his hot hungry mouth sweet with strawberries. But if he was hungry, I was ravenous. Two days of wanting, waiting, imagining this moment but it felt like a lifetime. I stood on my tiptoes to pull him as close as I possibly could and hooked one leg around his waist, riding the tide for as long as I could, even though I knew I would be overwhelmed and disappear beneath the waves without a trace. It was a mistake. I would regret it. But when he pushed inside me, filling me with sweet, sharp relief, I truly did not care.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
It was dark when I reached across the bed for Joe, only to discover he’d been gone long enough for his warm side of the mattress to turn cold. There were no lights on in the bathroom, no sound coming from anywhere else in the living room, the curtain-less windows black. I rolled over, wrapping myself in a blanket as I left the comfort of the bed to search for him, relieved when it didn’t take long.
‘Storm’s over. Clear night.’
He didn’t turn around when I opened the back door, instead he stayed right where he was, sitting on the back step, staring out across the fields. I wasn’t sure if it was very, very early or very, very late. The stars were still out, more here than I ever saw in Hertfordshire and the indigo blue sky bled into a deep, inky navy with the slightest orange tint to the line of the horizon. The promise of a new day on its way, whether we wanted it or not.
‘Aren’t you cold?’ I asked, noting he was still naked. His body curled comfortably on the step, knees pulledup, arms wrapped around his shins. There was no self-consciousness or attempt to hide, he was entirely him.
‘I’m fine,’ he replied. ‘Go back to bed.’
Carefully, I sat down beside him, keeping the blanket tucked around me.
‘Can’t sleep,’ I said. It wasn’t a lie. As soon as I realised he was gone, I was wide awake and, truthfully, I was surprised to find him so close by. The part of me that didn’t trust either one of us was sure he’d have been long gone.
‘Do you really hate the idea of love at first sight?’ Joe asked, keeping his gaze steadily on the sky.
‘It’s not that I hate it but I personally don’t believe in it,’ I said. ‘My favourite romances have always been the ones that seem vaguely possible. Love at first sight has never happened to me.’
He nodded thoughtfully.
‘Did you love CJ?’
‘I thought I did at the time. I’m not so sure now. It feels more like we were playing at it, pretending to be grown-ups. Even when things were good, it was never the kind of love you read about.’
‘You mean the kind you write about,’ Joe corrected sweetly before throwing out another question. ‘Do you believe that exists? The all-consuming, overwhelming romance novel love?’
I paused before I answered, wanting to be sure I got it right. This wasn’t the time for mixed messages. Or pretending.
‘It has to,’ I replied, choosing each word very carefully. ‘Otherwise why would we all be chasing after it? Why have so many people dedicated their lives to tryingto put inexplicable feelings into words? Love is the most incredible thing, it can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time. You can’t buy it, you can’t force it, but almost everyone wants it and some people will do anything to get it. You could be walking down the street one day and pass a stranger, not knowing that six minutes, six days, six weeks, even sixty years from that second, you’re going to be head over heels, hopelessly in love with them.’
We sat side by side, quiet and calm, and I tried to relax, pretending we weren’t in the eye of the storm.
‘What about you?’ I asked. ‘You’ve never been in love?’
The corners of his mouth turned up but it wasn’t a happy expression, more a smile that existed in spite of itself.
‘It would be fair to say I haven’t had the best experiences with relationships.’
‘That’s not a no.’
‘It’s not a yes either,’ he replied with the same wry expression. ‘I always thought it was better to keep some distance in relationships, avoid commitment. I never took them very seriously. My parents were very good at showing me whatnotto do but figuring out the opposite has never been easy for me.’
‘Is it ever?’ I asked, studying him.
‘I’m starting to think it could be.’
