‘It’s an important experiment!’ she exclaimed. ‘If your interest in him is purely physical then you need to get it out your system before you spontaneously combust, and it sounds like he’d be a willing participant. Once you’ve banged, the feelings should go away. He likesthe look of you, you like the look of him, I’m really not seeing the bigger problem.’
‘I can think of one,’ I said. ‘I don’t trust him.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because one minute he’s trying to charm the knickers off everyone in the room, the next he wants to sit down for a deep and meaningful then he’s storming off in a huff like he’s the one who’s being messed around.’ I picked at a loose thread in the cuff of my old cardigan until it pulled the fabric, annoyed at Joe then annoyed at myself for picking at the loose thread in the cuff of my cardigan. ‘How can someone be so nice one minute and such an arsehole the next? And he’s too handsome to be trustworthy. No man that attractive has ever in the entire history of the world been referred to as “nice”.’
‘What if he’s a good guy trapped in a shagger’s body?’ Sarah suggested. ‘Maybe he wants to be a decent human but he’s cursed with such hotness, women keep flinging their knickers at him like kryptonite and dragging him back down to their sordid level.’
‘Must be so hard for him,’ I replied drily. ‘Imagine the suffering he has endured.’
‘Or maybe he’s running hot and cold because he’s trying to crack on to a woman he really likes and she’s treating him like a complete psychopath simply because he’s interested in her.’
‘You’re absurd.’
‘And you’re finding excuses to keep your distance. I’m suggesting you sleep with the man not give him your online banking password. Although I’m assuming it’s still the same password you’ve been using for everything since 2009 because you’re practically begging to get your identity stolen.’
‘OK, you shut up now,’ I replied.
‘OK, SophieMelark4Eva009?’
‘I said shut it, MrsSarahCullen69.’
We both picked up our croissants at the same time, Sarah with a smile on her face, me very much sulking.
‘I’d like to raise a hypothesis,’ she proposed as I took the last bite of my pastry. God, they were good. Covering my mouth with my hand, I eyed her across the table.
‘Which is?’
‘What if it’s yourself you don’t trust and not this Joe character?’
‘Yes, it’s definitely him,’ I answered right away.
She wrapped her ponytail round on itself, curled her blonde ringlets into a huge bun, let it fall, then repeated the process.
‘Feel free to disregard this if it does nothing for you,’ she said after securing her third go with a hair stick she produced from her pocket. ‘But as your friend, I have observed the fact you haven’t exactly put yourself out there since you and CJ ended it. Maybe you’re a bit gun shy. It would make sense for you to be a bit nervous.’
‘It would but I’m not,’ I insisted. ‘Cautious, yes. Nervous, I don’t think so.’
‘Well, what do I know?’ she said lightly, wiping her hands on the legs of her jeans. ‘Just seems a bit odd that you’re so dead against having a go on this supposedly handsome, funny, book-loving hunk. You haven’t even kissed the man, so I can’t imagine what he could have done to have your guard up like this?’
It was cool in the alley behind the coffee shop but I could tell the day was going to be a scorcher. You could smell it in the air. I tugged the newly pulled sleeves ofmy cardigan over my hands and looked back at my friend as she drank her coffee with a pleasant, innocent expression, just waiting for me to break.
‘There’s something else going on here and you don’t want to tell me, which is fine,’ Sarah said, setting aside her pink cup. ‘But you know I’ll get it out of you. Wouldn’t it be easier to give in now?’
There wasn’t a person alive who would be able to keep a secret from Sarah Nixon for more than half an hour. Not even the best-trained intelligence operatives would be a match for her nonchalant approach to forcing the truth out of you. She really had missed her calling as an interrogator.
She dipped what was left of her croissant into her coffee and took a bite. ‘In about ten hours, you, me and this stud are going to be at the same party. I will be child-free for the whole evening and I will have unfettered access to wine. I will be unstoppable.’
Puffing out my cheeks as far as they would go, I blew out the air slowly. Once again, Sarah never lied.
‘Maybe you shouldn’t come to the party,’ I suggested, only half-kidding. ‘It’s going to be terrible. Incredibly boring, lots of old people, average age of ninety-seven, I think.’
‘Your brother told me there’s an open bar, it’s no kids allowed and your dad hired a bouncy castle I’m coming.’
‘Dad hired a bouncy castle?’ I repeated as she finished her breakfast and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. ‘What is he thinking? Someone’s going to break a hip.’
‘One way or another. If Joe’s thighs really are as big as you say.’
