He paused to allow for the cheering and stomping, not even flinching at the death stare coming from the stage.
‘And since you’ve written my favourite romance novel of all time, I was hoping I could get your advice on a romantic predicament.’
‘I’m the last person who should be giving out advice on love,’ I replied, the back of my neck prickling with sweat. Definitely should’ve worn my hair up. ‘Trust me, I make terrible decisions when it comes to my own love life.’
‘I told you she wanted to get back together,’ I heard CJ stage-whisper to a disgruntled-looking man in an ‘I’m a Swiftie Dad’ T-shirt at the side of him. ‘She’s probably going to make some big romantic gesture right now. Try to look surprised if she proposes.’
Joe’s hair was slightly longer, his skin a little paler, but he still filled out his beautiful white shirt like it had been tailored to his body. Maybe it had, I wouldn’t know. I didn’t know anything about him.
‘I’d still like your opinion,’ he said. ‘We’ve all made bad decisions.’
‘Not as bad as mine,’ I insisted, wishing he would disappear. ‘Take this summer for example, I thought I’d met someone amazing.’
The crowd let out a chorus of oohs.
‘Don’t get too excited. It turned out he was married. Can you even believe it?’
The oohs turned to boos with record speed.
‘What’s she talking about?’ CJ asked too loudly.
‘Not you,’ Sarah replied wearily from the front row. ‘Never you.’
‘He sounds like a complete arsehole.’ Joe shook his head with feigned shock. ‘Unless he had a good reason not to tell you.’
‘What reason could possibly be good enough?’ I replied. ‘How could anyone justify lying to someone, cheating on their wife and then disappearing completely?’
‘He didn’t disappear completely, did he?’ he said. ‘He called you about a hundred times and left millions of messages, but you didn’t answer any of them. He thought that meant you didn’t want to speak to him.’
‘He was right,’ I agreed as he left his seat and began edging down the row. ‘I didn’t and I don’t.’
‘He’ll never forgive himself.’ He kept going until he reached the aisle in the middle of the shop, his dark hair shining under the halogen lights. ‘And he doesn’t expect you to forgive him either but he does need to explain.’
‘No, he doesn’t, he needs to piss off.’
The happy mood of the bookshop had turned into something electric. Phones were out, everyone was whispering, heads were on a swivel. The only people who looked unhappy to be there were me, my parents, CJ and Mal, who was clearly beginning to regret bothering with the train.
‘I didn’t want to speak to him then,’ I said, determined to keep my composure. He would not see how much he’d hurt me. He would not know about all the nights I’d cried myself to sleep. ‘And I don’t want to speak to him now.’
Anyone who hadn’t worked out what was going on, suddenly figured it out and Joe had to duck to dodge a barrage of flying friendship bracelets and assorted projectiles. He pressed a hand to his face when a random copy ofButterfliesstruck him on the face.
‘OK, ow,’ he said, looking for the culprit. It could have been anyone. I wished it had been me.
‘A thrown book is a sold book,’ Charlotte yelled. ‘Do not trash my shop. All angry mob participants will be asked to wait outside where you’ll be able to kick him after the signing.’
‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this,’ I said, moving to stand. ‘Charlotte, can we skip to the next bit?’
‘Sophie, I miss you,’ Joe shouted over the din. ‘I think about you constantly, all day, all night. I hate myself,hate myself, for what happened.’
‘What exactly did happen?’ Sarah asked, turning all the way around in her seat to follow him up to the front, the rest of the audience following suit. ‘Soph might not want an explanation, but I’d like to hear it.’
‘None of it was planned. Every word I said to you that night was true.’
Joe was in front of the crowd now, his words only for me. I sank back into my seat and he set his microphone down on the floor. He was so close, I could see the dark circles under his eyes, the bloodshot streaks of red, the determined set of his jaw. But he wasn’t nearly as determined as I was.
‘Except for the no secrets part.’
‘Except for that,’ he replied softly. ‘If I’d had one more day to fix things, I would’ve told you everything.’
