‘He must have said something,’ Bel pressed. ‘Catch you later? Peace out? Thanks for the bang?’
‘He didn’t say anything because he was asleep when I left,’ I muttered, sucking up as much icy tequila as I could stomach as they both exploded in an orgy of dismay.
‘You did not!’ Bel exclaimed.
‘I don’t believe you,’ Suzanne gasped. ‘You walked out on him without saying goodbye?’
‘I left a note,’ I whispered.
‘Phoebe Chapman, fuckboi,’ Bel said, shaking her head with grave disapproval. ‘You lovebombed that boy and now you’re going to ghost. Wow.’
‘I don’t fully understand what she just said but I do know that’s really shitty,’ Suze added. ‘How would you feel if it was the other way around? If you woke up and he was gone?’
‘Like he’d done me a favour,’ I replied shortly. ‘When he wakes up, he’ll find my note—’
‘You didnotleave a note?’
‘He’ll find my note,’ I continued loudly. ‘And he’ll understand why I left.’
‘You’re going to walk away,’ Suzanne surmised. ‘After everything you’ve been through, you’re going to walkaway from Ren when, well, I don’t actually know him very well, but I’ve heard good things.’
‘He’s amazing,’ Bel said, patting her on the back to commend the effort. ‘They’re perfect for each other and Pheebs, you don’t have to say anything but if you don’t, I’m going to assume the sex was the best sex you’ve ever had in your life.’
Without leaving enough time for me to breathe, she cheered and sent a wave of water in my direction.
‘I KNEW IT.’
‘It’s not about the sex,’ I protested, the pillar box-red glow in my cheeks giving it all away. ‘It’s about everything else. Long distance doesn’t work and I can’t go through another horrible break-up.’
‘So you’re finishing it before it even starts,’ Suzanne said. ‘Speaking as someone who’s made a lifelong habit of that, I’ve got to be honest with you. It’s shit.’
‘Then what’s the answer?’ I asked. I was beginning to feel increasingly unhinged. ‘I’m supposed to struggle through a transatlantic relationship and risk getting my heart destroyed again just because there’s one man on earth who is gorgeous and funny and kind and interesting and he makes me feel strong and happy and gave me four orgasms in one night and oh my God, what have I done?’
‘By Jove,’ Bel said in a terrible British accent. ‘I think she’s got it.’
‘What are you doing?’ Suzanne yelled as I waded over to the side of the pool and dragged myself out.
‘What do you think I’m doing?’ I replied, stuffing my feet into my slides and tearing down the garden. ‘I’m going to see him!’
I had one wet leg over the fence when his backdoor flew open and Ren emerged, a fury on his face the likes of which I’d never seen. How could I have been so stupid?
‘Phoebe, what the hell?’ he yelled, striding down his yard as I threw my other leg over the fence. ‘You left a note? You were just gonna leave?’
‘Yes, but I was coming back,’ I replied, hanging off the edge of the terrace, a little puddle of pool water forming below. ‘Look, this is me, coming back to talk to you.’
‘Did you unplug my alarm clock?’
Straddling the fence, I bit my lip and nodded.
‘If the real estate guy hadn’t been banging my door down, I would have missed you.’ He couldn’t even look at me. I couldn’t even look at me. The only thing I could do was close my eyes. ‘You’d be gone and you weren’t even going to say goodbye.’
‘I honestly thought it was for the best,’ I said. ‘I really thought it would be better for both of us and I didn’t want a dramatic scene. You know, like this.’
‘But what about last night?’ His eyes were big and round and dark. ‘What about everything we said? And did?’
‘I knew it,’ I heard Bel hiss, peering upwards to see her and my sister waving from just a few feet away. ‘So spicy.’
‘You were just gonna leave,’ Ren repeated, the words slicing me into ribbons.
