‘I did.’
‘Did she tell you our news?’
‘She did.’
So eloquent, Phoebe, so articulate. You should be a writer.
He reached one hand up to his hair, the fabric of his jacket straining at the shoulders. ‘I guess it’s just one of those things, you know? Wasn’t meant to be.’
‘Some things aren’t,’ I said with a stutter. ‘I’m sorry.’
He’d always been so easy to talk to until now.
‘It’s for the best anyway.’ Ren walked over to the bench and sat down next to me, the fabric of my dress filling the space between us. ‘Looks like I’m going to be leaving soon.’
It was not what I had expected him to say. I was the one who was leaving, not him.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked. ‘Leaving for where?’
‘My brother called this afternoon. Someone made an offer on the house, all cash, two hundred thousand over ask. He wants me out by Monday.’
‘But that only gives you two days,’ I protested. ‘That’s not fair, it’s too soon.’
‘I know.’
‘And there’s nothing you can do?’
Ren’s jaw tensed and he stared off into the distance. That was his answer.
Above me, a cloud drifted in front of the moon, casting a gentle, promising darkness over the garden. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, literally stopping to smell the roses. I usually hated rose-scented things, they were always too heavy and cloying, but Myrna’s garden smelled heavenly, the warm sweetness of the flowers cut with Ren’s fresh, woodsy scent. It was heartbreaking to think I’d never experience it again.
‘I can’t believe I have to leave tomorrow,’ I said, letting my quiet words linger in the air. ‘I really didn’t expect to love this place so much, it’s not how I imagined it would be at all.’
A smile carved faint lines around his mouth. ‘LA is whatever you want it to be,’ he replied. ‘You get out what you put in. Most people don’t see what you saw, they stick to the shiny surface, but if you dig a little deeper that’s where the good stuff is.’
‘I’m thankful I had you to show me,’ I said before clearing my throat. ‘And Suzanne and Myrna and Bel,’ I added in a garbled rush. ‘Not everyone is lucky enough to have so many brilliant tour guides.’
When he looked up at me, his emerald eyes were almost black.
‘Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone so incredible to show around.’
All the air disappeared at once, swallowed up by the roses and leaving nothing for the rest of us.
‘About you and Bel,’ I said, feeling around for a way into the conversation I knew had to happen. ‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out.’
‘Don’t be.’ Ren leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. A slice of moonlight cut through the clouds to outline the planes of his face and the curve of his full, firm lips. ‘This is what happens when you go all in on someone before you really know them. I fell in love with a letter instead of a person, that’s on me.’
He fell in love he fell in love he fell in love.
I had always been good at keeping things in their place, mentally at least, and after what happened with Thomas, I’d only got better. Box one feeling away from the other, keep them at a safe distance. Then along came Ren and set it all on fire. All my carefully maintained compartments started to shake, lids flying off boxes, thoughts and feelings running around uncontrolled, and I couldn’t seem to grab hold of the words I needed. There was a hurricane happening inside me, all while I sat beside him, not moving, barely breathing.
‘I really wanted to be the person she was writing about,’ he said, his mouth crooked with his perfect half-smile. ‘For someone to see me and know me and love me that way.’
‘That’s what everyone wants,’ I managed to say. ‘To be loved for who they are.’
‘If everyone wants it, why is it so hard to find?’
I didn’t have an answer. He was right. Falling in love should be the easiest thing in the world but we made it so difficult. We laughed at it or diminished it, weput it on a pedestal or ran away when it came calling. The one thing we all wanted and the one thing we all had to give in limitless quantities. Why did we make it so hard?
