‘A decent freezer shop?’
‘Two things then,’ she replied, bopping me on the head. ‘I meant you.’
It was nice to know someone missed you but miserable to miss them back. I rested my head on her shoulder, soaking in the sisterly bonding.
‘You don’t think you’ll ever come home?’
She put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed.
‘I think I am home,’ she replied, and I made myself smile for her even though I suddenly felt like having a big cry. ‘We should do this every year,’ she added. ‘We really should.’
‘OK, but I might ask Mickey if it’s possible to move in,’ I said, pointing at the pink castle in front of us with my foot. ‘I could live in there. They’d hardly know I’m here, I’m neat, I clean up after myself.’
‘No, you aren’t, and no, you don’t. I mean sister time in general – doesn’t have to be Disney but we do have to make it a priority. I don’t want to end up like those siblings who only see each other at funerals and weddings.’
I frowned, at her statement and the fact I’d almost finished my churro. ‘Everyone we both know is already married. Although there’s bound to be a few secondweddings coming up soon. Gran never liked the look of our Jo’s husband and after that Homer Simpson tie he wore when they got married, I’d have to say I agree with her.’
Ignoring my assessment of our cousin’s romantic prospects, Suzanne finished her ice cream and gnawed thoughtfully on the leftover little wooden stick.
‘There’s something I want to tell you.’
From the set of her jaw and the ominous edge to her voice, I suspected it wasn’t her feelings about Jo’s husband’s regrettable choice in accessories. ‘I’ve been thinking about it ever since we got back from the supermarket.’
I pushed a long, low whistle through my teeth. ‘A whole six hours? This must be serious.’
‘Be quiet and listen or I’ll leave you here to find your own way home.’
‘I’m all ears,’ I said, instantly regretting that time I deleted the Uber app from my phone in a fit of moral righteousness.
My sister rolled her shoulders and tilted her head from side to side as though she was about to go ten rounds with Rocky Balboa. Even Goofy took a wide berth as he walked by.
‘It hurt. To think you felt as though you couldn’t tell me something so horrible had happened to you or ask for help at the time – and that’s not your fault so don’t you dare apologize.’
She held up a warning finger as my mouth opened, the words ‘I’m sorry’ ready to trip, unbidden, off my tongue.
‘It wasn’t your fault,’ she said again. ‘You’re not the only one who has kept secrets.’
‘If this is about the time you came home drunk and threw up in my Barbie box, I already know it was you and not the dog.’
Something happy nudged at the corners of her mouth and she fiddled with the back of her earring as she spoke, the solitaire diamond spinning around and casting a kaleidoscope of colours on the ground by my feet.
‘Probably a bit late but, I’m sorry. My point is we weren’t the kind of family to share their feelings or have deep and meaningfuls. I learned the word invulnerable long before I understood what being vulnerable meant. I’m serious, I didn’t even know there was an opposite word until I was in my twenties.’
‘Still feels like something to be ashamed of,’ I admitted. ‘And I say that as someone who spends alotof time on Instagram.’
‘And I’ve read every one of Brené Brown’s books,’ Suzanne said.
‘That’s such a lie.’
‘Fine, I bought two and skimmed one, but that’s not the issue here,’ she replied. ‘The issue is that we ought to be able to be open and honest with each other. About all of it, good stuff, bad stuff, boring stuff. We shouldn’t try to tackle everything on our own.’
‘I don’t think it’s always a bad thing,’ I said, scrunching my toes inside my shoes. Just talking about being more vulnerable made me feel, well, vulnerable. ‘We’re the kind of people who are more comfortable knowing we’ve got our guard up. That’s fine.’
‘Except we don’t know when to take it down,’ she suggested gently. ‘Pheebs, don’t take this the wrong way, but do you not think there’s a chance you put yourguard up against the wrong people? I’m only saying that because I do it too, and I’m not attacking Gran or Mum, but it’s the way we were raised. Not to be a burden. Not to cause a fuss. Sometimes you have to ask for help and that’s OK.’
She wasn’t wrong. In fact, there was endless evidence that she was completely correct but it still hurt to hear.
‘So I want to say this,’ Suzanne went on. ‘I want to be completely honest with you because you are my sister and I love you no matter what and I know you love me, no matter what.’
