It was late when I left Myrna’s. I stayed until her assistant arrived to help wrap up her day which, from what I could tell, consisted of changing into another pair of fabulous pyjamas, taking a dozen different supplements and drinking a gin martini that she requested be made ‘as dirty as Nixon’. It was icon behaviour. Less iconic was the thumping in my head that pounded in time with the banging on the door. Just because Myrna drank double martinis before bed didn’t mean I should. Or could. Or ever would again.
‘OK, I’m here, I’m here,’ I muttered, reaching for my phone. It was Suzanne and I knew it was Suzanne before I even saw her name on the screen because I’d assigned Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ to her calls, an earworm so annoying it would force me to answer it immediately whether I wanted to or not.
‘Hello?’
‘You’re up early, I didn’t think you’d answer.’
‘Because you’re calling early,’ I said through a yawn, hobbling downstairs to get the door. ‘Why did you ring if you didn’t think I’d answer?’
‘There’s this miraculous thing called voicemail,’ she replied. Suzanne the Smartarse. ‘What is that noise? Is there construction outside? Is it the zombie apocalypse?’
‘No zombies,’ I replied, fiddling with the locks and chains and bolts; I already had a very good idea as to who it might be. ‘Unfortunately.’
‘You locked me out!’ Bel blew air kisses at both of my cheeks as she bounced through the door and breezed past me, down the corridor and into the kitchen. ‘I didn’t even know you could bolt that door, Suzy never does.’
‘That’s because “Suzy” is an idiot,’ I said loud enough for both of them to hear. ‘Can I help you with something?’
‘Who is it?’ Suzanne asked impatiently. ‘Is it Bel? I’m assuming it’s Bel.’
‘No, it’s Jennifer Aniston,’ I replied. ‘She’s taking me out for brunch with Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow.’
Bel hopped up on the kitchen counter. ‘Wouldn’t that be amazing? A li’lFriendsreunion moment? I would love that.’
‘Put me on speaker,’ Suzanne ordered. ‘I want to talk to both of you.’
Too tired (and hungover) to argue, I did as I was told, combing my hands through my tangled hair and wiping last night’s mascara from under my eyes. I looked like one of the racoons I’d found rifling throughthe rubbish when I got home from Myrna’s. Small and scruffy with dark rings around our eyes, we both appeared harmless but could potentially kill if looked at the wrong way.
‘Hi, Bel,’ Suzanne cooed in a sing-song voice I hadn’t heard since the time she had to tell Gran she’d crashed the car. ‘I miss you! How are you doing?’
‘You miss her?’ I said, wondering if I’d woken up in the twilight zone. ‘You’ve only been gone a week. I live on the other side of the world and you’ve literally never told me you miss me.’
‘Have you ever woken me up with freshly baked morning buns?’
‘If you’re talking about that time we had to share a bed at Cousin Jo’s wedding and you woke up with my bum in your face, that’s on you for insisting we top and tail it.’
‘You do your workout and you get morning buns,’ Bel said, booping the phone as though it was my sister’s nose. ‘Mmm, morning buns. Phoebe, we should go get some.’
‘You should get some, I should go back to bed,’ I replied, pressing my fingertips into my temples. ‘Lovely to see you, don’t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. Suzanne, what time does your flight land, where is your Toilet Duck and do you have any Berocca?’
‘You’re not going back to bed,’ Bel said. ‘I came to pick you up to go hiking.’
‘And the Toilet Duck is in the mud room, I haven’t got any Berocca and I called to tell you I won’t be back until Wednesday,’ Suzanne added. ‘I was going to suggest you treat yourself to a spa day on me but nowI don’t have to because you’re going hiking with Bel! As soon as you’ve cleaned the toilet.’
‘Hold on.’ I pinched the bridge of my nose, praying that the automatic coffee maker I hadn’t been able to switch off had come up trumps this morning. ‘I don’t remember anything about hiking?’
‘That’s because Ren and I planned it yesterday.’ Bel swayed from side to side, shimmying her shoulders in a slinky little dance. ‘Or he planned it and texted me and I said you should come too.’
‘That sounds so great!’ Suze crowed down the phone. ‘You two have fun, or three, I should say. I have to get into the office before Elon Musk tries to buy us or clone us or move us all to Mars. Enjoy your hike.’
Suzanne rang off and Bel beamed at me from the top of the kitchen counter, altogether too close to my sister’s pristine knife block to be fully clear of danger.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t call me yesterday,’ she said, flipping the end of her glossy ponytail. ‘Don’t you want to hear all about my date?’
‘I already heard all about your date,’ I reminded her, taking myself over to a safer space near the fridge. ‘I was on your date.’
‘No, I mean after that part.’ She raised her hand to her face and leaned forward to whisper a secret. ‘We kissed.’
Happy, sad and insanely jealous, I opened the fridge and fished out a bottle of freshly squeezed orange juice, wondering if it was too early for another martini. ‘Scandalous.’
