Ren took a step towards her.
Bel immediately took a step back.
I covered my eyes with my hands and groaned.
‘These are for you.’
When I opened my eyes, I saw him handing her the beautiful bunch of peonies I picked up from the florist on Hillhurst. I knew she loved peonies, she’d told me she loved peonies, but there she was, staring at the peonies as though he was trying to hand her a fistful of rattlesnakes.
‘Thank you,’ she said, finally taking the bouquet and holding it in front of her like a reluctant bride. ‘Flowers are great.’
Flowers. Are. Great.
‘Another drink?’ Ren suggested.
‘Oh, gosh, yes,’ Bel agreed readily, dumping the bouquet on the table beside her champagne flute. ‘Do you have anything stronger?’
‘Uh, sure,’ he replied, even though he really didn’t sound very sure ‘What were you thinking?’
She held out her hands as though it was obvious. ‘Nothing breaks the ice like tequila, amirite?’
Now it was his turn to back away. ‘I think there’s a bottle inside. Give me a minute to hunt it down?’
‘Take all the time you need!’ she yelled. ‘No rush!’
As soon as he was out of sight, she sprinted to my end of the garden. Pressing my face through the slats of the fence, I gave her the biggest grin I could muster.
‘It’s going great!’ I lied. ‘You’re nailing it.’
‘It’s the worst date I’ve ever been on,’ she countered in a very loud whisper. ‘And one time, at Six Flags, a guy puked on the rollercoaster and it hit me in the face. Phoebe, this is worse than the time a guy puked in my face.’
No matter how I felt, there was no joy to be found in Bel’s misery.
‘It’s only stressful because it means so much to you,’ I told her. ‘He’s just a man. A very attractive man with nice forearms and not horrible feet, which I admit is a miracle, but he’s still just a man and of all the things he could be doing this evening, he wanted to spend it with you.’
‘You’re so good at this,’ she marvelled. ‘Have you ever thought about being a life coach?’
‘No,’ I replied. ‘Because it’s not a real job. Now get back down there, ask him questions, pay him compliments, the rest is easy. You are amazing, Bel Johnson, and he is lucky you’re giving him this tiny little slice of your time.’
‘But I don’t want to give him a tiny little slice of my time,’ she pointed down at her barely concealed crotch. ‘I want to give him my—’
‘Found it,’ Ren called as he sauntered out of his house. Bel spun around, hands behind her back, while I pressed myself flat against the floor.
‘You OK?’ he asked as she strolled back down the garden.
‘Yup,’ Bel replied brightly. ‘I thought I saw a, um …’
Hawk, I said in my head. Tell him you thought you saw a hawk.
‘I thought I saw a monkey.’
I raised my head just enough to see the look of disbelief on Ren’s face.
‘You thought you saw a monkey?’ he asked. ‘In my backyard?’
‘Yeah.’ She turned and pointed away from my general direction. ‘It was kind of moving around over by the shed but when I went to check it wasn’t a monkey after all.’
‘Then what was it?’
