Framed by the doorway, Ren wore nothing but a pair of low-slung grey sweatpants and a smile. I looked to the skies and cursed whichever deity would do this to a girl.
‘Did you post this through my door?’ he asked, envelope in hand.
‘I did,’ I confirmed. ‘I wasn’t sure if you were home, so I thought better to pop it through the door and make sure you got it rather than hold on to it because it’s for you so why would I want it because it’s the letter. Your letter. Bel’s letter. It’s the letter Bel wrote for you that I delivered.’
Somehow I found the strength to stop talking and gritted my teeth, baring them all at the same time like I was showing off for the dentist. It was not a sexy look, it was deranged, but Ren didn’t seem to notice.
‘So, this is my love letter, huh?’ He grinned as thoughit was all a joke, holding the envelope at arm’s length, as though a boxing glove might spring out and bop him on the nose when he opened it.
‘The one and only. Anyway, it’s teatime, I’m starving,’ I said, slapping myself slightly too hard on the stomach. ‘I’ll leave you in peace.’
But I didn’t have the chance to move so much as a single step before he tore it open, pulling out the single sheet of paper. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, the smile fading from his face, replaced by a sense of surprise that warmed into wonder as he went on. It was too much, the way his pupils dilated, the way his breath caught in his chest. His lips parted, moving soundlessly as his eyes swept over the words, bringing them to life and making them real.
The very first time I saw you, everything changed.
As he read the letter, I heard the words in my own head, in my own voice. It was one thing to scribble it down the night before, high on an intense day of meeting Myrna, dressing up as a mermaid and nearly drowning in a rich man’s swimming pool, but it felt deeply wrong to watch him reading the letter, believing those words were all from Bel.
It felt like a lie.
My stomach plummeted, churning and melting at the same time, and the knees that had managed to hold me up for more than thirty years threatened to go full Bambi-on-ice at any moment.
‘Bye then,’ I called, my voice cracking as I backed away towards the gate. ‘See you later.’
‘Wait!’ He looked up from the letter with a flushed, red face. ‘This is … wow.’
Frozen on the spot, my chest tight, I cleared my throat before I tried to speak. ‘I’m assuming wow is a good thing?’
Ren looked at me with so much joy and I almost crumbled away to dust. I wasn’t prepared for it, his reaction or my own.
‘I don’t really know what to say,’ he replied with more honesty than I deserved. ‘I never thought something like this would happen for me.’
I started at the sharp sting of my fingernails as they dug deep into my palms. I hadn’t even realized I was making a fist. What was I doing? Why was this so hard? Why didn’t he have a top on?
‘You should call her,’ I said, backing even further away. Call her and leave me out of it.
‘Yeah, I will.’ Shirtless Ren folded the letter with so much care and slid it back into its envelope before placing it on a small glass-topped table by the door. ‘Hey, did you say you’re hungry?’
‘Starving was the word I used.’ I pressed a hand against my belly but the grumbling happening inside had nothing to do with missing a meal. ‘Better go and eat something before my stomach lining starts devouring itself.’
‘Making anything good?’
‘I thought I might attempt to master mac and cheese,’ I said. ‘Learn the true ways of your people.’
Still shirtless, he shook his head. ‘No way. It’s Friday night, you’re on vacation. If you don’t have plans, we should do something fun.’
All I had to do was say I had plans.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked.
‘We’re in Hollywood, baby.’ Ren snapped his fingers and shot at me with double finger guns. ‘I’m taking you to see the stars.’
‘So, tell me,’ I said, hugging a stuffed-to-bursting picnic basket to my body. ‘Do you often take people for a picnic in a cemetery?’
‘Only if they’re really lucky.’ Ren steered his truck carefully around the curving roads, driving at a very respectful pace which was nice given that we were literally surrounded by gravestones. ‘Welcome to Hollywood Forever, you’re gonna love it.’
‘Thank you, that doesn’t add to the horror movie vibes at all.’
He looked as though he had something else to say, a snappy comeback lit up behind his eyes, but instead, he carried on smiling and parked up at the side of the road.
