“Declan, we love you,” Phoebe says.“We love Summer.And I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
“Thanks.”I put my hand on the doorlatch, freeze, and then spin around to face them.“She doesn’t want me near her.Did I tell you that?She just told me to leave, to give her time alone, so that’s what I’m trying to do.And it’s killing me.”
I watch Evander move to Phoebe’s side and pull her tight.They’re both looking at me like I’m a basket case.They’re right.
“Declan, if you have more questions, I’ll try to get the answers for you.”
Phoebe is so sweet.Evander is so lucky that his woman is healthy and at his side.
I do have more questions.A lot of them.
I need to know if Summer will let me in her life for whatever time she has left.I want to know why this is happening to her.I want to know what fucked-up universe would allow this to be the fate of someone so decent and funny and beautiful and loving.
“No, that’s all my questions.Thanks.”
I leave the house, forgetting to close the door.But I don’t have the strength to go back.
CHAPTER 46
Summer
I throw another log on the fire and stare at the flames for a long moment.Eventually, I remember to go sit down.I collapse on the couch and reach for the box of stale granola and shove a few more pieces in my mouth.
I can’t keep doing this.I’ve been up here moping and sobbing and eating stale cereal straight from the box for going on two days.Round and round in my brain go all the same things—all the shit I’ll never get to do.How my life is being stolen from me.How unfair it is that the joy is being snatched away just as I decided to grab it and hold on to it for dear life.
Dear life.
Fuck it all.
I’m not allowed to get back in the saddle because of my concussion, but all I want to do is ride.
I want to do normal things.For as long as I can.
And for me, normal things are physical things.Riding.Roping.Rounding up.Training.Feeding.Repairing.
Rolling around in bed with Declan.
Fuck everything.
I only got a couple hours of sleep last night, and my eyes have been wide open since three thirty.Enough.I think I’ll go to the stables and muck out a few stalls.
At least I can do that without someone lecturing me about what is and isn’t the appropriate thing for me to do.
Fuck everybody.
But I’m afraid of seeing Declan.I’m afraid that he’ll try to convince me to take him back, and I can’t let that happen.It’s not fair to him.He’s young, and he deserves to live his life with the woman he loves.If he hangs around me, just to watch me die, it will destroy him.
I won’t do that to him.I won’t ruin his life.
Damn you, Beyoncé!
We should never have gotten this started.If we’d kept things between us how they always were, Declan could just go live his life.Maybe he’d think back on me every once in a while and tell his wife and kids about how there was once a ranch hand named Summer who got tragically sick and died and then everyone had to drop what they were doing to attend her funeral.
Fuck!I knew it!
I knew that the second I faced the truth of how I felt about Declan, the shit would hit the fan.
And that’s exactly what’s happened.
