Hasrun out.
I really wish I could keep my focus during my last moments on earth.I wish I could have a Buddha-like instant of enlightenment, a glimmer of clarity about how much I love Declan, how we’re soulmates, and how much I’m going to miss him.
I wish my life would replay before my eyes, but only if it starts the day I arrive at Yosemite Ranch.That way, my life story is sure to be one of only happiness and love.
I wish the longest chapter of my life story would be about Declan, with maybe a glimpse of the happily-ever-after we were destined to have.The one that will never be.
None of this stuff happens.There’s no enlightenment or movie for me.
All I get is a brief moment of “well, shit—this is how I die.”There’s a peace about it.Maybe because I didn’t have enough time for regret or sadness.
And I sure as hell don’t have enough oxygen to keep my brain alive.
I recognize what’s just happened.I know why I’m in this in-between place, one foot in life and the other in death.
I was distracted.The horse sensed it.
K and Joe were right.
I heard the motorcycle engine.The coyote came out of nowhere.The horse spooked, and my reflexes were delayed.Half a second, tops.Not much, but enough that here I am.
On my back.Staring up at the Nevada sky.Stunned and unable to breathe.While my life force pours out into the snow.
CHAPTER 39
Declan
I’ve canceled six flights this week.I’ve canceled five meetings with Finn to fix the bugs of our reboot and I’ve dumped the latest StellaR Tech proof-of-concept deadline in his lap.
None of this matters.
No one cares.
Everyone knows I’m distracted.
I shouldn’t even be flying.I shouldn’t even be handling machinery or driving or trying to walk from one room to the next.
Because I’m “distracted.”That’s the more family-friendly term for it, but I know what’s really going on with me.
I’m fucking head over heels in love.I’m pussy-drunk and damn happy about it.I’m stuck in a vortex of all things Summer, and I have no complaints.
Love.
I never thought it could be like this, that pesky little four-letter word.So complicated.So life-altering.
Like a drug.
I wonder if it’s like this for Cal, Finn, or Evander.To an outside observer, they seem like the same guys, even if they each have a woman in their lives.A partner.And now I know how that’s had to have changed them in some way.
I’m not the same, that’s for damn sure.
I’m distracted.
I’m in love.
I’m married.
I shake my head, riding my motorcycle under the Yosemite Ranch gateway and up the ranch road to the compound.I’m still settling into the idea of being married.Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s real.I guess that’s because we stumbled into a Vegas wedding chapel while hammered beyond recognition.
