“Well?”Finn asks again.“Is this athing-thing,or a thing we ignore and pretend never happened?”
“Oh, it’s definitely a thing-thing.”
At least I really hope it still is.And I hope I sounded convincing.But it’s a trial marriage—that’s what Summer is calling it, right?Yet, at the same time, we’ve been talking a lot since we got back from Vegas, covering topics like family, kids, babysitters, and other non-temporary kinds of things.
That said, we’ve done more banging than talking, so a lot of our conversations haven’t reached the conclusion phase.
“That’s the sound of a man who has no fucking clue what’s going on,” Special K says.“Yo, Summer!”His voice booms through the house.“Is this a thing-thing or something we’re supposed to ignore?”
Summer’s bedroom door creeks open, and she stomps out in her work jeans and a flannel shirt.“Pipe down, K!They can hear you over the state line!”She props her hands on her hips and glares at the bone in his greasy fingers.“That better not be my last chicken leg, you big dufus.”
“She seems like herself,” Finn says.
“Who else would I be?”Summer snarls at him like she always does.I love her self-confidence and grit.“And yes, it’s a thing-thing.At least for now.And get your jaw off the floor, Finn, or I’ll stomp on it.”
Special K has frozen.Finn’s jaw is, in fact, close to the floor.
Summer sighs.“Declan and I are in a trial marriage, all right?”She points to K.“And if you laugh about it, Kevin MacLaine, I will hogtie you and drag you behind the manure truck, so help me sweet baby Cletus.You get what I’m saying?”
“Think so,” he says, licking his fingers.At least he’s moving again.
Special K stands and wanders over to the kitchenette, where he tosses the chicken bone in the trash can and then starts looking through Summer’s cabinets for more food as he mumbles to himself.I think I hear him say, “Trial marriage?How’s that shit work?”
Then he holds a box of crackers over his head.“Can I eat these?”
Summer has come to stand next to me.I grab her hand.That’s when I spy Finn’s fingers flying over his phone’s keyboard.“What thehellare you doing?”I yell.
He holds up his phone.“I just finishedtexting Emma.Now, I’m texting Phyllis, who said Cal and Victoria followed us up here, so it shouldn’t be long before—”
He’s cut off by a loud bang on the front door.Before Summer or I have a chance to answer, Cal and Victoria stroll in.She’s holding up her phone, her eyes wide with shock.
“I just got a text from Phyllis.She says you two are in a trialmarriage?”
“My sphincter is about to pucker,” Special K says as he walks around Cal and Victoria to the door, clutching the box of crackers.“Summer, I could use help repairing the north pasture shelter.You know, whenever you can take a break from your trial honeymoon.”
He slams the door.I glance down at Summer, who’s shaking her head.
Cal crosses his arms in front of him, and eyes me up and down.He stops at my boxer briefs and pulls his mouth into a knot of disapproval.“Let me get this straight, dumbass.You went to Vegas to stop an elopement, and you…eloped?”
“It wasn’t like that.Not exactly, anyw—”
“I can’t evenimaginewhat Dad’s going to do to your sorry ass!”Cal adds.
Victoria hurries over to us and puts an arm around Summer.“The first thing Dad will do is officially welcome Summer to the family in her new capacity as one of his daughters-in-law.”
Summer whimpers.I think it’s the first time she’s thought about her new title.Honestly, it didn’t occur to me, either.
“And after that,” Victoria continues, “Emma, Phyllis, Phoebe, and I will plan a huge party in honor of the happy couple!”
Summer manages a weak smile for Victoria, then says, “Thank you, but no.”Her voice is serious.“Parties will have to wait.We’re in a kind of probationary period.”
Probationary?That’s a new term.It sounds like I’ll be expected to wear an ankle bracelet or some shit.
“But after that, we’ll let you know if we want a party.And if we do, it will be casual.No dresses and no decorations and no expensive food, maybe just a barbecue.”
Cal walks over to us and shoves me out of the way so he can wrap an arm around Summer from the other side.Now the couple has her locked in and I’ve been pushed to the sidelines.
Cal looks deep into Summer’s eyes.“If you need help, call day or night.Just say the code words ‘horrible mistake’ and I’ll get rid of Declan for you.”
