“Rings?”Summer asks.
“Certificate?”I ask.
“Yes to both,” Beyoncé answers, opening a drawer.
Summer turns to me, perplexed.
I shake my head.I’m as lost as she is.
“From last night,” Beyoncé says, eyes widening.“When I joined you two in holy matrimony.Well, maybe not holy, but totally legal.Ring any bells?”
Summer and I shake our heads in silence.Beyoncé hands Summer a package.
“Again, congratulations and best wishes for a happy life together.”
CHAPTER 28
Summer
“What the fuck?”I yell.
“Hold on,” Declan says, taking charge.“Beyoncé’s joking.You’re joking, right?”
Her head moves like it’s on a swivel.“Beyoncéneverjokes about weddings.We take that shit very seriously here at the Mariah Carey Chapel of Love.”
Two employees step out from the back room, chatting and laughing.They’re in full costume.One is clearly Tina Turner, with her spiky wig and legs that go on forever.I’m pretty sure the other is Aretha Franklin, from her beehive era, in a flowing chiffon thingy I think is called a caftan.
Declan and I look at each other.His eyes are as huge as mine probably are.
“Here’s the crazy couple I was telling you about,” Beyoncé says to her coworkers.“You know, the one who ran a tab last night?”
“Ahhh,” Tina says, checking me out with a blatant curiosity that makes me feel slightly awkward.I’ve experienced more awkwardness in the last two days than in my whole life.
“Gorgeous!”Aretha reaches high and snaps her fingers, then she belts out, “The man sure makes me feel real goo-ooo-ooo-ooood!”
She has a very powerful voice.
I stare at the large envelope Beyoncé just handed me.I can’t think straight.What is happening right now?
“So, inside you’ll find all the benefits of the deluxe package you purchased, including your matching twelve-karat gold electroplated wedding bands.I sized them myself.”
In my hands is a legal-sized envelope made of white plastic with the texture of lace.It’s tied up in a pink bow, and a little, sparkly tag is attached to the bow.The tag’s in the shape of a heart, with one word written in fancy cursive: “MacLaine.”
My last name is nowhere to be seen.Does this mean I’m a MacLaine?Do I want to be a MacLaine?Did I tell Beyoncé I wanted to be a MacLaine?
“Relax, Summer,” Declan says, rubbing my back.“I see you’re upset, but maybe there’s no marriage certificate in there.Maybe it’s just a gag.”
Beyoncé claps once and the sound cracks the air.We both look her way.Her hands are on her hips.“Open it,” she says to me.
I pull out a marriage certificate and hand it to Declan.Then I fish out a black velvet box and open it.Just as Beyoncé said, there are two matching wedding bands inside.
I glance up at Declan.I’m shocked at how pale he looks.His eyes are wild.He isn’t happy we’re married.
“I’m going to throw up,” I say.Beyoncé helps me to sit on a chair and fans me with the large envelope.“Thank you, but that’s not really helping.”
“I got you, honey,” Tina says.She bends down to open a bottom filing cabinet drawer and pulls out a little battery-operated personal fan.She turns it on and directs the breeze directly at my face.
“Thank you so much.”I accept the fan but I’m still stewing.I dare glance up at Declan again.“You’re freaked out to discover you’re married to me.Is that it?”
