“Great!”
“Bring anything back for me?”
“Nope.No food.Sorry.”
But maybe something else…
I casually stroll past him down the hallway to our master suite, and once I’m out of his line of sight, I sprint for the bathroom.
I already did this three times back in the lovely employee restroom at the Drug & Dime.But those tests can't be right, right?I know I’ll be going through the process two more times, and I’m thinking about a third, but I find myself completely out of pee.I wait the appropriate amount of time and check the results.
Oh.
Holy.
Fuckballs.
I wander out to the living room, grab the remote, and turn off the TV.
“Hey!It’s only the third quarter.It’s a replay of that great Cowboys game against the Chiefs from November.”He notices me staring at him.“Is it already trapeze night again?”
“Declan, I need your help.”
He suddenly straightens from his NFL-induced slouch, alert and frowning.“What is it?Are you okay?”
“You know what?I actually don’t know if I’m okay.Or sane.I don’t know what I am, to tell you the truth.”
He rests his elbows on his knees and stares up at me.“Huh?”
“I have something to show you.”One at a time, I slip five plastic wands from the back pocket of my jeans and smack them down on the coffee table.I point at them.“What the hell is this?”I ask him.
He shakes his head.“Huh?”he asks again.
“Do you know what these are, Declan?”
“Swizzle sticks?”
“Yikes, flyboy.Take a closer look.”
He picks one of the wands off the table.“Pregnant?Who’s pregnant?Is it Emma?Victoria?Phoebe?All of them?Why did they take so many tests?”
I breathe out slowly.Then I reach for the hem of my shirt and yank it off straight over my head.Then I remove my bra.“Come over here and poke my boobs.”
“So itistrapeze night!”
I roll my eyes.But I can’t be too upset that he’s clueless.This isn’t even supposed to be possible for us.
“Wait,” he says, grinning.“Are we doing a wedding ceremony role-play?”
“Fine—I’ll poke my own boobs if I have to.”So I do, then try to sound surprised.“Ow!They hurt.They’re so swollen.I wonder why that is!”
Declan jumps up from the couch and nearly falls over the coffee table to get to me.He grabs me by my upper arms and stares down into my face, his violet eyes wide and his mouth open.He shakes himself awake.“Those areyours?”
“Yep.”
“You peed on them?”
“I did.”
