“I’m her daughter.I haven’t been here to see her in ten years.You told her that her daughter’s here, right?”
The guard squirms a little.“Look, some of these women get institutionalized, and can’t handle any reminder of how life used to be.It’s probably too hard for her to see her little girl all grown up.Because she’d only have to say goodbye all over again.”
A laugh escapes my throat that sounds as nasty and bitter as it feels.“Well, hot damn,” I tell him.“Then she’s changeda lotsince the last time I saw her!”
He looks down at his feet, embarrassed for me.I know he’s been lying, trying to make me feel better.But he needn’t have bothered.Nothing can smooth over the damage that woman has done.
“Cool,” I say, standing.“Can I write a note for you to give her?”
“I could try, but she might not read it.”
“Right.But maybe the note’s more for me than more than for her, you know?Since they took my backpack, is there any way you can get me a piece of paper and pen so I can tell her what I came to tell her?”
He shrugs again.“Sure.”
“Thanks.”
I sit back down and wait, laughing at myself.What exactly did I come to tell her?
The guard hands me a little notepad and pencil.I plan to scrawl the first thing that comes to mind.
I press the pencil lead to the paper.I press harder.The tip breaks, shooting graphite specks all over the paper.That’s when I realize I got nothing to say.
“Never mind,” I tell him.“Thanks.”I leave.I reclaim my backpack, check to make sure everything’s in there, and go outside to wait for the shuttle.
Next up: my father.But if my mother doesn’t want to see me, I can only imagine what my father’s reaction will be.But I’m here, and I know I’ll never be back as long as I live.I can’t leave without trying.
Closure.I need closure, even if it’s not a made-for-TV moment.
CHAPTER 63
Declan
I’m on my way.
The flight to Lompoc Regional is only an hour and a half, which is a perfect length for travel in this situation.It won’t be enough time to let my thoughts fall into the rabbit hole of doubts and regrets.But it might be enough to pull myself together.
The good news is that almost half the flight will be spent focused on ascent and descent, which require my full attention.
This is my last shot, and I know it.I’ll either manage to win her back or I’ll have to cut her loose.I’m not sure what kind of man I would be without her, or what kind of life I could piece together without Summer Stevens at the center of it.
I think back to that first day.I was getting ready to leave for the Navy and was spending my last few weeks helping out at the ranch.I looked up to see Joe drive down the ranch lane with a woman in the passenger seat of his truck.I was sure I didn’t know her, and Joe explained that he offered her a ride from town when she asked about anyone looking for ranch help.
She stepped out from the pickup, brunette hair swinging, piercing gray-blue eyes peeking out from the brim of her hat as she closed the truck door.She walked confidently around the pickup and locked eyes with me.
Such a pretty girl—not a woman at all, I saw.Slim, athletic, and standing straight and tall.I understood right away.She was capable of handling whatever life threw at her.She was pleasant enough, but she was daring me to fuck around and find out.
And just like that, I knew.
Here she is, I thought.
She was young.Still in high school, I realized.But by the time I had to get my ass to San Diego to report for duty, our newest ranch hand was my buddy.
And through all the years since, that awareness of who Summer was to me never faltered.Every time our paths crossed, I’d look at her and think,there she is.She’s the one.The only one for me.
I wasted so many years with my head up my ass.
I will fight for her.I will fight for her because she’s mine.She’s always been mine.And I will make sure she knows how much I love her, no matter what.
