Thepièce de résistance, however, came when Fiona turned to the oven– a painted cardboard contraption that appeared to be held together with duct tape and wishful thinking– gave a theatrical gasp and flung open the door, revealing a tray of perfectly iced cupcakes. A few of the children watching actually clapped, while their parents exchanged amused glances. Fiona, basking in the attention, held up the cupcakes like they were sacred artefacts.
‘Aren’t these just divine?’ she cooed, turning to the camera. ‘Fresh from my pop-up beachside bakery, right here at Blue Water Bay!’
She waved the tray tantalisingly, turning in a half-circle to show her masterpiece to everyone, including a seagull that had begun circling above with keen interest.
As Fiona sashayed towards the edge of the sea, preparing for her grand finale shot, things began to unravel. A mischievous boy sprinted past her, causing her to wobble on her impractically high wedge sandals. The tray tilted ominously, and a single cupcake tumbled off, landing in the sand with a sadplop.
Clemmie, Amelia, Verity and Dilly leaned forward on their beach towels like a quartet of judges waiting to see what would happen next.
‘I know we shouldn’t laugh, but…’ Amelia snorted.
‘She’s lucky it wasn’t all of them,’ Clemmie said, shaking her head.
‘Give it a minute,’ Dilly added. ‘There’s still time for disaster.’
Pretending the slip hadn’t happened, Fiona recovered her balance and soldiered on towards the end of the jetty, where a small fishing boat was moored. She held the tray in one hand, placed one hand on her hip and struck a pose.
‘I just don’t get it,’ admitted Clemmie.
‘She’s not just a baker, she’s a brand– or so she believes. By being photographed in a bikini at a picturesque seaside location, she’s crafting an image of herself as a glamorous, multi-dimensional lifestyle guru,’ Verity chipped in.
‘It’s also a chance to steal the spotlight,’ added Amelia. ‘Fiona knows that the baking competition is the talk of the town, and by doing something so outlandishly off-topic, she ensures that she becomes the focus of any conversation about the contest. She may hope her unconventional approach will intimidate more traditional competitors like you, making you feel you can’t compete with her star power.’ Amelia pointed. ‘All those children have gathered to watch and are recording on their phones. They probably don’t have a clue who she is but she’s creating a buzz.’
‘This is the essence of creativity,’ Fiona proclaimed to the camera. She waded into the water. ‘Taking inspiration from the sea, the sand and the?—’
Before she could finish her sentence, a gull swooped down, aiming straight for the cupcakes. Fiona screamed, swatting at the bird with her whisk, but it was determined. The crowd erupted in laughter as the bird’s persistence caused the entire tray to flip over, sending cupcakes flying like sugary cannonballs.
‘No!’ Fiona shrieked, grabbing at the tray. Floundering, as a wave took her off her feet. She lost her balance.
‘She’s going in,’ Verity confirmed, her eyes wide.
And in she went. Fiona tumbled backwards into the water, flailing like an overturned starfish.
‘She’s gone under,’ exclaimed Clemmie.
There was a moment of stunned silence.
Then Fiona’s hat floated to the surface, followed by Fiona herself, sputtering and shrieking as she emerged from the water.
The girls stifled their laughter as Fiona began to shout to Oliver, who was still standing a little further up. ‘What is that saying on theGreat British Bake Off?’ asked Dilly.
‘No one likes a soggy bottom!’ Clemmie answered with a smile.
Fiona’s enormous sunglasses had gone askew, making her look like a half-drowned bug, and her straw hat floated nearby like a tiny, defeated raft.
Fiona flailed again, trying to steady herself.
On the shore, Clemmie, Amelia and Dilly were in hysterics. ‘This will be on TikTok for all the wrong reasons. It’s better than reality TV,’ Clemmie managed between bouts of laughter.
Oliver, finally off the phone, turned around just in time to see Fiona wading out of the water, her once-pristine cupcakes a soggy, bird-pecked mess floating in the water below.
‘Fiona?’ he called out, looking puzzled.
With as much flair as she could manage, which, in her current state, wasn’t much, Fiona splashed through the shallows. With an exaggerated huff, kicking up water as she went, she stormed past the spectators without so much as a glance. Her ruined hat dangled from her fingers.
Clemmie, Amelia, Verity and Dilly exchanged wide-eyed looks, biting back laughter as Fiona flung herself into the van and slammed the door shut. Just when they thought the drama couldn’t get any better, a low rumble filled the air, drawing the attention of everyone on the beach.
‘What’s that?’ Amelia asked, craning her neck.
