But the longer I stayed, the more guilty I felt about not telling Juliette that I’d been matched with her son.
Luckily on Tuesday she’d messaged me to say she was spending the day with her ‘gentleman friend’ so she suggested that I could call the next day if I liked, which I stupidly agreed to, but in the end I’d chickened out…
Now it was Thursday and this morning, we’d received a message to say that our couples activity wouldn’t be until the evening, so we had the day to spend however we wanted.
Although I could’ve made use of the chauffeur-driven car, I wanted to experience the city like a true Parisian, so after getting directions from the hotel’s receptionist, I headed to the Metro and went on my own little tour of one of my favourite TV shows:Emily in Paris. I was pretty sure those locations wouldn’t be on the hotel’s scheduled activity list, so there wouldn’t be a conflict.
Armed with a map and my online research, first I went to the fifth arrondissement of Paris to Place de l’Estrapade. After buying apain au chocolatfrom Boulangerie Moderne for breakfast (which was exactly what Emily bought from the same bakery in the first season), I went to see Emily’s apartment building and took photos in front of the fountain in the pretty square (alongside dozens of other tourists who’d had the same idea), then sat on the bench to devour my pastry, which was just as delicious as I’d hoped.
When I passed the Italian restaurant, Terra Nera, which was Emily’s love interest Gabriel’s restaurant (it was called something different in the show though), I couldn’t help taking photos. And as I did, I thought about what a coincidence it was the show’s ‘hero’ had the same name as my match.
See what I mean?
Even though I’d avoided seeing Gabriel outside of the scheduled activities, I still couldn’t stop thinking about him.
I’d wondered what he was doing today and whether he ever thought about me the way my brain seemed to obsess over him.
When I went to Jardin du Palais Royal, which was where Emily first met her best friend Mindy, and I sat on the same bench that they did, which bore the wordsAujourd’hui, c’est demain et hier qui s’épousent, I immediately turned to ask Gabriel what it meant.
But of course, he wasn’t there. Because I’d vowed to keep my distance.
I told myself it was fine. I had my phone, so I asked my good friend Google to translate it for me instead. Apparently it meanttoday is the marriage of tomorrow and yesterday.
See. Problem solved.
Or so I thought.
Although I felt a sense of pride as I wandered down the pretty Parisian streets, because I was here, finally living out my dream of travelling and exploring a city I’d always wanted to visit, I was also overcome with another weird feeling.
At first, I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. But now that I was at the Louvre, another top spot on my Paris bucket list, I had a nagging feeling in my chest that told me that I knew exactly what it was, but just didn’t want to admit it.
I noticed it when I first admired the triangular diamond-shaped glass panels of the pyramid up close and again turned to tell Gabriel that being here reminded me of a scene in another favourite TV show of mine,Lupin, where the main character stages a late-night heist at the museum and there are gorgeous illuminated shots of the Louvre pyramid.
But Gabriel wasn’t there.
And when I saw the queues and wanted to ask if he thought it was worth joining them to go inside, I couldn’t do that either.
The fact was, as crazy as it sounded considering I’d only been in Paris for a few days, I missed exploring the city with him. Like we’d done at the beginning of this trip. Not just because he knew the best places to go or could translate French for me, but because I missed talking to him properly.
Somehow, I missed the way he made me laugh. I hadn’t laughed once today and that felt weird. That alone was odd considering how little I did it in London.
None of this made any sense.
Whether it was raising Ricky, doing the weekly food shop or struggling through the latest challenge that’d been thrown in my path, I was used to doing things by myself.
And even when I was in my late teens and dreamt of going to Paris, I’d always planned to go on a solo trip. So why, now that I was here, did I suddenly feel alone?
I shook my head and told myself to get a grip. I was being stupid.
My stomach rumbled. Clearly it was my hunger that was affecting my thoughts.
It was time for lunch. Once I’d had a delicious savoury crêpe from one of the cafés on my list and a nice glass of French wine, I was sure I’d feel much better.
* * *
‘Did everyone enjoy exploring the city today?’ Claude asked as I took my seat on a daybed at the hotel’s rooftop gardens ready for the evening briefing before tonight’s excursion.
I scanned the seats behind and in front of me. I couldn’t see Gabriel.
