"That's definitely how I feel." This time I do smile. "I don't really mind. It's just not been the most pleasant experience of my life."
She nods. "Morning sickness can be brutal. Based on your previous records, it looks like you've lost about ten pounds, so I’m guessing it’s been pretty rough." She clicks her tongue, head tipping. "It also looks like your blood pressure is a little low."
That actually comes as a relief. I’ll take any rational reason behind my dizziness and fainting spells. "Is that a big problem?"
"No. It does mean you have to be extra cautious when standing up or changing your positioning, because you could pass out." Her brows lift. "Which it says here has already happened."
"Yeah. I've fainted a couple times." I glance at Titus, feeling extra guilty I didn't let him take me to the hospital. "Should I have come sooner?"
"We generally don't see patients until twelve weeks, but I would recommend going to get checked out at the ER from this point on if you have any more issues." She steps away from the computer and settles onto the stool. "But hopefully we can get you eating and drinking a little better and that won't be a problem anymore."
The rest of the exam is something I'm familiar with. Speculum, swab, fingers, weird lubed-up residue.
What I'm not expecting is when she pulls out some sort of weird handheld device and adjusts the blanket covering my belly. "Let's see what we can hear."
"What would we hear?" I suck in a breath as the cool wand hits my stomach and she presses it against my skin.
"Possibly a heartbeat, but we're still on the cusp of being able to pick it up, so don't worry if we can't find it." She works the wand across my abdomen, rolling down toward my pubic bone before going still as a steady—and fast—rhythmic sound fills the room. A smile blooms across my doctor's face as she looks up at me. "There's your baby." She's quiet for another second. "Heart rate sounds good."
That's my baby.
My baby's heart beating in my belly. For some reason it makes my throat tight. I wasn't expecting any sort of tangible evidence outside of a doctor's assurance, so hearing Peanut in there makes my eyes burn.
Because somehow, in a split second, I went from being weirdly detached to completely in love.
I'm in a daze as the doctor continues on, explaining next steps. After she leaves, I manage to get myself dressed and Titus and I walk to the counter where I schedule my next appointment. It's not until we're in the car that I can fully process what just happened.
I turn to him and ask, "Did you hear the baby's heart?"
"I did." He pulls out his phone. "Would you like to hear it again?" He opens up an audio file and presses play. That same sound that choked me up earlier fills the interior of the car.
My eyes snap to his face. "How did you get that?"
"I saw her pull the Doppler out and knew what was coming. I thought you might want to have it recorded." He taps across the screen and my phone buzzes in my hand. “I sent it to you so you can listen whenever you want.”
I was expecting today to be scary, and in some ways, it was. But I never once felt like I couldn’t handle it because I never once felt like I was alone.
And Titus just proved how right I was.
I lean across the console of the car he borrowed from Tobias—since apparently the tires on my SUV weren’t up to his standards—flinging my arms around Titus and burying my face against his neck. Breathing in the familiar scent of his cologne, I smile. “Thank you.”
Titus strokes a hand over my hair, soothing me even more. "Thank you for letting me come back with you." He takes a shuddering breath. "I wasn't sure how it would feel, but—” His voice cracks a little. "Just… thank you."
I've been so focused on my own fear that it hadn't even occurred to me how difficult today might be for Titus. How much it could remind him of the baby he lost.
And it makes me feel like an asshole. I'm glad it doesn't seem to have bothered him, but I still should've thought of that. Still should have considered his feelings instead of being so wrapped up in my own.
I lean back, meeting his eyes. "If it's ever too much for you, you don't have to come with me." A little smile lifts my lips as I turn his words back at him. "You are not obligated to me in any way."
Titus gives me an easy grin. "Oh, but I am." He leans in, pressing a kiss to my lips—an affectionate gesture that's becoming more and more common between us. "You are the holder of the caramel cake recipe."
It is so easy to laugh with him. Not just because he makes me so darn happy, but also because I'm so relieved to have that first appointment done and over with. Relieved to know that Peanut is in there and safe and sound.
Titus seems a little more relaxed as he adjusts the heating vents, making sure most of them are directed at me. Once he’s satisfied, he shifts into drive. "What sounds good for lunch?"
I can't hide my surprise at his question. I knew coming out with me was going to be a big step for Titus, and I never expected he would want to do more than go to the doctor and drive right back home. So his offer of taking me to lunch is unexpected.
And exciting. It's almost like...
