While Odelm was charismatic and charming with his dazzling smile, he had a slim and delicate body that made me appreciate his unique coloring. Odelm was a kind soul—but that didn’t mean he wasn’t strong because he was a musician and not a member of the Warrior Class—he had proved it many times.
Xylo was the wild card. Unlike Odelm—who had feminine Ulax coloring—there was no other Wudox who came close to his uniqueness. Like Odelm, he wasn’t built like the members of the Warrior Class. None of that mattered because he was intelligent and caring.
I had an unexplainable instant connection to both of my original Circuli nestmates. They didn’t care that I wasn’t like them and carried my own problems. The three of us were kindred souls, and I thanked the Fates and Stars every day for sending me into their paths. They made me feel like I could do anything I wanted. They accepted my cubs as their own.
Something about them made me feel cherished, loved, and whole.
I know it was foolish to call what I felt for them love, but there really wasn’t any other word that could describe how I felt. If either of them left me—even though they biologically couldn’t—or died, I would feel like a part of myself was missing, as if they had both carved their names on my soul.
I couldn’t blame the way I felt about them on the permanent bond we shared because Circuli nestqueens rarely fell in love with those not Favored. Sure, they cared for those in their clan—to a degree—but I got the impression that anyone not Favored wasn’t treated well. The Un-Favored either accepted they would never be in their nestqueens graces or overworked themselves to become Favored. I hadn’t seen it personally since I avoided the others on theDestiny, especially after those three Ulax bothered me when I went swimming. Odelm’s reaction in the shower concerned me and was proof there was some fear ingrained in the Circuli males about not being good enough—an instinctual drive to become their nestqueen’s Favored.
Nestqueens aboard theDestinyhad, on average, three nestmates. Most of them kept only two, but others had three or four with a rare five. All of them had far fewer than their Queens, who had ten each.
My mind still couldn’t wrap around how someone couldn’t at least care with whom they shared such a personal connection.
Which led me back to the princes. Yes, I offered the political union, but how would I be able to remain good friends with them? Sharing such an intimate connection, one that controlled their own sexual desires, with them would naturally attract me to them.
Sex wasn’t an issue, just like being naked wasn’t a problem for me.
I had sex with both Zirene and Kaede, and none of it mattered to them. It still didn’t make either of them less of anishing frax.
I wasn’t nervous about having sex with the princes because for them—like the rest of the Circuli males—it was something more. The first time was about giving theirnestqueen their bonding spores and linking themselves to her forever.
Mating was a biological need to permanently bond with their nestqueen. After that, the males only had the drive to perform whenever their nestqueen was in heat, which was once every five years or so.
What if I somehow broke Odelm even more than he already was?
“What did I say about having dark thoughts?” Xylo asked, his mental touch caressing me.
“Did I wake you?”I asked, smiling as I snuggled my rear against his waist petals. “What did you hear?”
“Enough to know you are worried about how to handle the princes,”he said, combing my hair with his fingers.
“I feel lost,” I admitted as I leaned my cheek against Odelm’s back, feeling the coolness against my skin. “When will things get easier? Every time I solve something, two more problems replace it.”
“It seems like that, but you have accomplished an impressive number of things in a short period of time.”
“Xylo?”
“Yes?” he answered, stilling his hand in my hair.
“Why did you keep those secrets from me?”I asked, needing to know the answer. I could no longer wait for Odelm to wake up to ask them both. I was afraid of what mental state he would be in when he woke up and having to wait longer to get the answers I sought.
His arm dropped to my waist as silence fell between us, the only sounds coming from those sleeping around us.
“Zirene knew how self-conscious you felt about your differences when you compared yourself to the other females aboard the Yaarkins ship. He planned to protect you from your doubts and explain things as they came. The demi-human community on your moon? He wanted to introduce you to them personally. The Assembly trial?He was worried about you spiraling due to fear and lack of confidence, making you incapable of defending yourself alone. He saw it happen multiple times, and cases go astray, closing with unfair terms.”
“So, he believed having me unprepared would allow me to come out with the best results?”
“Exactly.” Xylo squeezed me tight against him, breathing in my hair. “But you weren’t unprepared. You studied hard and learned enough to understand what you needed to do to fight your own battle. Selena, you were magnificent on the Assembly floor. If I hadn’t been worried about being disconnected from you and not being able to explain everything to you, I would have smiled proudly.”
“You weren’t embarrassed?” I asked, confused. I wanted to turn over to talk to him face to face, but the princes had their appendages wrapped around my legs. I was afraid to wake them, knowing they had a lot of responsibilities—especially with theDestinysettling soon.
“Embarrassed,” Xylo chuckled. “You stood up against those princesses and won your case. You made me proud to be in your clan, first chosen by you.”
“And the princes?” I sighed. “I need to know your thoughts about them joining the clan—political or not. Please don’t hold anything back. I am already worried about Odelm and whether our conversation helped him. I need to know the truth—your concerns and fears—because it wasn’t my plan to hurt either of you.”
“It wasn’t our plan to hurt you either, Selena,” Xylo countered. “I understand your reasoning for accepting the princes. They are respectable males and considered war heroes among the Circuli, even with the minor role they played.” A vine crawled up along my side, its flowered tip pressed against my cheek, pushing my face toward him. Our gazes met as his teal pupilless eyes burned bright, preventing me from looking away. “I will not have any ill feelings when you accept their spores, nor will I doubt our relationship if and when they sire any future offspring of yours. Youare my nestqueen. I shall treat them like Odelm—a fellow nestbrother in our clan.”
