His forehead rested against mine, breath warm, steady. “It always does,” he said quietly. Not a rebuke. An understanding. “But those instincts are why you’re still standing. Why we all are.”
I closed my eyes, letting the moment hold. For once, not arguing. Just choosing to be.
We moved to the gazebo on the beach, settling onto the cushioned seats that overlooked the lilac waves. The stars wheeled slowly overhead—a sky that never changed, never clouded, existed only for us. Zirene kept me tucked against his side like he was afraid I’d dissolve if he stopped touching me.
Here, in this peaceful space, the war felt distant. Unreal. Like a story happening to someone else.
But the evidence of it was written all over him.
“There’s something I need to ask you.”
We’d shifted to lie side by side on the gazebo’s cushions, limbs intertwined. The sea breeze dried the sweat from our skin—or what passed for sweat in dreams—and the lilac waves continued their patient rhythm below.
Zirene’s hand traced lazy patterns on my hip. “Anything.”
I propped myself on one elbow to study his face. A softness was there, but his eyes were alert, watching me with that intensity that always made me feel like he could see straight through to my soul.
“When I’m training with Ryzen,” I began carefully, “he’s been teaching me to extend my mental reach. To strengthen and maintain connections across distance.” I paused, gathering my thoughts. “I want to practice with you.”
His paw stilled on my hip.
“During my lessons, during my practice—I want to reach for you.” I held his gaze. “Would you accept my mental thread? Would you let me in?”
Something shifted in his expression. Not refusal—I knew refusal, knew the hard set of his jaw when he was about to deny me something for my own protection. This was different. Hesitation. Wariness.
Fear.
“Selena...”
“If you won’t let me bind myself to you any deeper—” I pushed forward, “—would you at least allow our minds to connect? Truly connect? Not just this dreamscape, but while I’m awake? While you’re fighting?”
The silence stretched between us, filled only by the crash of waves and the cry of distant seabirds. His shadows flickered at his edges, betraying an agitation his face was trying to hide.
Then, slowly, he nodded.
“Yes.” The word was rough. “I’ll accept your thread. I’ll let you reach for me.”
Relief flooded through me—but it was short-lived. Because I saw what lurked in his eyes. The worry. The dread. Something that looked almost like shame.
“Why do you hesitate?” I touched his cheek, drawing his gaze back to mine when it tried to slide away. “Tell me. What’s wrong?”
His jaw worked. Shadows curled tighter around his form, and for a moment I thought he wouldn’t answer. That he’d deflect with command, distract with touch, or simply refuse to give voice to whatever haunted him.
But we’d promised each other honesty. Always honesty, even when it hurt.
“I’m worried,” he said finally, “about what you’ll feel from me.”
The admission hung in the night air between us. His eyes searched mine, looking for—what? Judgment? Fear? The realization that she’d bonded a monster and only now understood what that meant?
“The war...” He swallowed. “What I’m doing out there. What I have to become to survive it, to lead it, to win it. There’s a darkness in me, Selena. You know this. Butknowingit andfeelingit are different things.” His hand caught mine, grip tight enough to bruise. “When you reach for me—when our minds truly connect—you’ll feel everything. The violence. The calculation. The part of me that enjoys the killing.”
His voice dropped to barely a whisper.
“I’m more unstable than Kaede, and we both know it. His violence is controlled, channeled, contained. Mine...” He shook his head. “I am a Shadow, Selena. Not just in name. The darkness isn’t something I wield—it’swhatI am. And I don’t know what it will do to you, feeling that. Being inside my mind when the feral side takes over.”
I let him finish. Let every word settle into the space between us, giving them weight, giving them the attention they deserved. Because this wasn’t just about the mental connection anymore—this was Zirene cracking open the door to his deepest fear.
That I would see him. Really see him. And run.
