He looked down at our joined hands, his face anguished.
“And you picked your music over having a nestqueen?”
“Yes. I had heard how painful severing it could be, but I could not imagine it being more painful than being separated from my music. The occasional private performance would not have been enough.”
“Do you regret it?” I asked quietly.
He looked up at me. “I only regret having established a courting bond with her in the first place. Yes, being able to play is worth this hollow feeling.”
“I’m your friend. If there’s anything I can do to help...” I squeezed his hands. “Feel free to come and talk to me anytime. I want to be there for you as you have been for me.”
He gave me a sad smile before pulling his hands away and glancing down at his wristband. “Thank you. Surprisingly, I feel better being able to talk to you about it. I had always assumed discussing it would make it worse. I will remember this conversation. But right now, I need to get ready for my performance. Will you stay?”
“I would love to. I’ll sit here and listen as I continue my research.”
“Thank you, Selena. I will return when I am done.”
I watched him thoughtfully for a moment as he left the booth and stepped up on stage. Then I turned back to Xylo’s tablet to continue where I’d left off.
Odelm’s music that night was slow and emotion-filled.Each note made me feel what he felt. I was the one riding high, then plunging into despair as I soared and dipped with his incredible performance. I finally gave up my vain attempts to study and simply leaned back in the booth and closed my eyes to listen.
Time passed, and I lost myself in the music, listening to Odelm put his heart into his music until darkness overcame me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Odelm
Jealousy was something Odelm had rarely experienced, but it had been his constant companion since Selena had come into his life. Was it really only a few short days ago?
He had long since accepted the hand the Fates had dealt him, but he was feeling emotions he had not since he was a youngling. Seeing how Master Scholar Xylo and Selena interacted, he had found himself longing—as he once had—to be better, to be accepted.
He wished a nestqueen like Selena had been the one to pick him. To be given the freedom to play his music while having the mental comforts of a nestqueen...
Odelm still felt Xylo should have taken a break from his work to aid Selena in adjusting to life on the ship. He was amazed at her resilience. He could not comprehend how she could so readily accept everything that had happened to her, that it had made her neither bitter nor timid. The fact she consistently defended Xylo—and argued her strong belief nestmates should be allowed the independence to follow their interests—baffled him, but he knew that it was proof of her character.
‘What-ifs’ had flooded every waking moment since she had talked to him that first day. He still had not forgiven himself for making her leak water—what she called ‘crying.’ Selena was not like any of the nestqueens he had known. Including the ones aboard ship—who he still believed would forget their fine new ideals and dreams, reverting to the old ways once they had settled on a new planet. He had certainly never considered—nor wanted—another chance to prove himself to a nestqueen.
Until now—until he had met Selena.
She had taught him not to stereotype and not all females were the same. Perhaps it was because she was an alien race. Or maybe it was her resilience and optimism, despite her years of abuse. Kaede had told Odelm a few details about Selena’s past when they had eaten lunch together, and even those few had horrified him. She was so kind and interested in others—remarkable given her limited exposure to others as a Yaarkin prisoner.
Odelm was simply grateful she had directed that kindness toward him and had persisted, despite his attempts to push her away. As Odelm worked his hands and tentacles across theUlepo—a multi-tiered organ developed by another species in CEG—he was glad to be counted her friend and determined to deserve it.
To deserve her.
Conversant in many styles of music, capable of playing a multitude of songs from memory, and with a natural talent for improvisation, Odelm closed his eyes and lost himself in the music.
As he drifted with the music, he marveled over Selena’s acceptance of his past, her anger and hurt on his behalf, that she was not disgusted by him as a severed male. When she had touched his hands, her emotions had flooded him.
Shock. Dismay. Heartbreak.
Awe. Inspiration. Sympathy.
She stunned him—precisely why he needed to keep distance between them. He didn’t trust himself with her. She brought out thoughts and feelings he had not felt in ages.
Odelm opened his eyes and peered across hisUlepoto the booth where he had left Selena. She leaned back in the booth, her intriguing blue-green eyes closed, swaying to the music. Her expression was serene, clearly lost in the music. Her silver hair fell in a sheet, covering the uppermost of the white spots that patterned her bronze skin.
Those spots fascinated him. He had tried numerous times to connect the spots to find their pattern—when her arms were exposed by her halter as they ate in the café, when they had spent time in the terrarium pond swimming. He had yet to find a pattern. Her body was a living piece of art, one he could get lost staring at.
