“I don’t even know your name. You can’t even trust me with that—not even a nickname. Okay, the Yaarkins backed out of the deal, but you never returned to our dreamscape! Nine days I waited and nothing. I can’t keep living a dream. I have a chance for a new start now. I need to face this new reality and make it work.” My voice shook as tears streamed down my face. “Goodbye—”
“Don’t leave!” He grasped my shoulders with hands that shook. “You just got here. We need to talk about this...”
I turned my head away from his intense stare, closed my eyes, and shuddered as I let him go.
“I have to go. I can’t stay here. With you. Not now.”
I gasped as I shot up in bed, looking around frantically.
The lights in the room were dimmed. A blanket covered my body. I was alone.
Xylo must have left after I’d fallen asleep.
Tears slowly dried on my cheeks as I sat in silence. The ship’s hum was comforting, and it grounded me in the present. I rubbed my face to clear the last of the tears, releasing a frustrated sigh.
My emotions were all over the place. I felt raw.
My need to be wanted and my desire to be trusted byhimbattled the betrayal I felt. I worried about what might happen to Xylo if the man from my dreamscape found us. I owed Xylo and his crew after their rescue.
And I feared what would happen ifhefound out about the courting bond with Xylo.
A bond I was feeling a growing desire to explore. Xylo had been nothing but caring and forthright—it didn’t hurt he wasgorgeous. I wondered if the Yaarkins had triggered something in me to awaken this need, or if the night I’d lost my virginity had awakened some biological urge to be physical with another. I barely knew Xylo, but I couldn’t help picturing what being with him would be like—learning everything about him and his body.
I’d always dreamed about what it would be like to grow up and live planet-side with a large family, surrounded by people I loved and who loved me back. Romantic stories were all I’d had. I’d yearned for that closeness, but it had always seemed so far out of reach in my hellish reality.
I’d always known it wasn’t the same as having real relationships, but I’d been somewhat jealous of the other human females aboard the Yaarkin vessel. At least they were never locked alone in their room. At least they were able to seek comfort in the physical, to be wanted. I’d heard stories about customers having favorites and spoiling them with trinkets, so surely there was some feeling?
The nights withhimhad been the highlight of my life.
Even though he’d always hidden in the shadows, we would talk for hours. He seemed to find excuses to give me lingering touches, to hold and cuddle me.
The betrayal I felt made me wary. I couldn’t let this yearning for connection allow me to blindly trust. I couldn’t let momentary impulse put me further at risk. It was one thing to think about touching Xylo, to imagine physical intimacy, but my impulsive kiss had resulted in the court bond with Xylo. I had to be careful—to be smart—to prevent my excitement from jeopardizing my newfound freedom. I needed to apologize to Xylo the next time I saw him for my lack of control
Resolved, I decided it was time to stop lying about in maudlin thought. Time to begin this new life.
I stretched, noticing I didn’t ache, and my mouth was nolonger stiff. Whatever the Yaarkins had done to me with their experiments must have worked. Though maybe it was Xylo who’d healed me...
Regardless, everything seemed back in working order.
The facilities were more upscale than I was used to. Instead of barely having room to turn around, this one was almost the size of my old cell. A large wall mirror hung over a counter and sink... Stars! Even the waste unit was elegant.
I screeched when my eyes landed on a large corner shower.
I’d read about showers and water in my Earth studies—daydreaming—but I’d never expected to have the chance to experience one! The thrill of being able to use anything other than those awful sonic cleaning units coursed through me.
I tore off the soft blue nightgown and tossed it on the counter. But as I was walking toward the shower, I was distracted...
That could not possibly be me.
I gaped at the reflection in the mirror. I hadn’t seen myself in ages... My body was fuller than I remembered. I cupped a breast experimentally, feeling the increased weight. Oh! And they weredefinitelymore sensitive...
I giggled.
Sliding my hand down my chest, I blinked at my rounded stomach. Huh. It had always been pretty flat. Maybe the healers here had provided intravenous nutrients? I’d certainly gained weight. I’d always been small—exacerbated by the Yaarkins’ restrictive diet. Turning my body to the side, I studied myself. Stars... even my ass was more substantial.
Too bad Xylo and his team hadn’t been able to make me taller as well... I smiled at the silly thought but decided I liked my new curves. I placed my hands on my hips and spun around as I watched my reflection in the mirror. They evenmade me feel less self-conscious about my strange silver hair and the stupid white spots on my bronze skin.
I opened the shower’s tinted-glass door and climbed in, giddy with excitement, pushing the button to close it behind me. All those lessons over all the days with my dreamscape male paid off. Being able to speak, read, and write Galactic Common had been a huge benefit since my escape from the Yaarkins.
