“What are you saying?” I tilted my head, unable to read his stony, impassive expression.
“I’m saying that I don’t deserve to be your guard, let alone a bid at becoming your mate,” he muttered, closing his eyes. “I can’t bear to regard you knowing that I have failed you so badly.”
“You want to be my mate?” I gaped.
“I’ve always wanted to be yours, Selena,” he swore. “I just couldn’t. As your bodyguard, how could I vie to mate the very female my master, who sent me to protect you, is bonded to? You accepted Xylo and Odelm before you even reunited with Z and took in the Circuli princes to protect their people. Why would you need me? How would I fit into your budding clan?”
“I’ve always felt a connection with you,” I muttered, thinking back to all the times we had been alone and how conflicted he had seemed since the beginning. “I tried to be friends with you in hopes something more might form… but you always disappeared… Pushing me away before we had a chance to explore the attraction between us.” Cupping his face, I directed his gaze to mine. “Why?”
“It doesn’t matter now, but I believed I would be a poor guard if I brought strain to your heart. Now, I know it’s true.” His slitted gaze dropped to my lips. “How can I protect you if I let you distract me before I am even yours? Do you think it’s easy to watch you be happy with your mates? It’s like a vibro-blade to the gut each time you show them the love and devotion I wish you had for me.”
Memories flooded me, filling in the spaces in my heart that had stood empty all the time. Instead of making me happy, his confession had elicited anger and hurt. He was now denying himself—both of us—something we had craved all this time.
“Kaede,” I hissed, grabbing his chin. “What about your first confession? Your promise? Will you retract the words you spoke to me as you were sending me away? Or will you wait until the next lifetime to bring us together? If you want me, then take me for who I am, good and bad, and stop searching for reasons we shouldn’t be together.”
“You remember what I said to you?”
“Your words triggered my fleeting memories, but that’s beside the point, Kaede.” I shook my head in disappointment. “You said you loved me and you wouldn’t fight us, and yet, here you are, denying the one thing we both want.”
“You think I don’t want you?” he growled. “I love you so much it hurts, Selena. This whole time, I believed that I wasn’tgoodenough for you, that you wouldn’t want someone so tainted, but no matter how I fought to resist you for your own good, you convinced me to come back. Even though I intended only to protect you, in the end, I hurt you. I can’t live with myself for my mistakes.
“You’re right, Selena; I know how much time and resources I’ve wasted denying my feelings. No matter what I do, I can’t fight the Fates. You and I belong to the same constellation, forged together by the Fates’ will, forever connected as a unit. You are my central star, pulling your mates together until we settle into shape around you. The connection we’ve both felt from the beginning proves that we were meant to be together. I just didn’t know where I belonged, and how to find the right time to take my spot. It doesn’t matter to me that you are already a Sovereign’s Nova or nestqueen to four Circuli, for we are part of the same design; they simply found their place before me.
“It seems the Stars have led us on this journey for a reason, though I don’t know why. I would like to believe they led me to realize that I need to stop resisting you and let myself fall into place so I can finallylivewith you as my mate.”
His words echoed through me, answering every question that had ever plagued me about us. Kaede had always wanted me but didn’t know where he would fit. Considering the chaos of my life, I understood his trepidation. Within a month, I had accepted four nestmates into my clan, before I had even officially settled my relationship with Zirene. He didn’t want to add to my stress.
While he ensured my safety, he had always tried to protect my heart—until I was ready to claim him as mine.
“I know what I am, Selena,” he promised her. “I am just waiting for you to put me in my place in our fated design.”
Cupping his cheeks, I surged forward and crushed my mouth against his. This male wasmineand I wouldn’t let him avoid me any longer.
May this kiss brand his memory for eternity.
He froze in place, releasing his grip on me, so I pressed harder. Growling, he pulled away, only to drag his teeth down the length of my neck.
“Tell me, Selena,” he begged, his lips pressing against my ear. “Tell me I’m yours. I need to hear the words from your lips to engrave them forever into my memory banks. Tell me that you want me as your mate. Let me protect you for all eternity as your guard—your mate—your love. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Tears of joy fell freely from my eyes. Kaede was the male I had always wanted, who had always kept me at arm’s length, and now he was confessing his love for me.
“You are mine, Kaede,” I whispered, feeling him shiver in response. “I love you and have always wanted you.”
Gently, he lifted me off the floor and placed me on my feet. Once standing, he pressed a button on the back of his head and his visor collapsed backward, hiding underneath his long, dark-blue hair. His bright, neon, slitted eyes were a relief after his face had been covered for such a long time.
“Let me wash you,” he muttered as his eyes roamed my body, heating me from within. “Let me replace those bad memories with good ones, so you can begin to heal.”
“You want to shower with me?”
“I want to take care of you,” he corrected, his gaze pinning me to the wall. “I want to bathe you, to help you wash away all the pain you’ve suffered. Once I’m done, I want to hold you in bed as you fall asleep in my arms, so you know you’re protected while you visit your dreamscape.”
Slowly, he pressed two buttons on his middle breastplate and the whole suit collapsed into a disk. I watched Kaede peel off the disk and place it on the counter next to my nightgown. He stood in all his naked glory.
It had been a long time since I had seen him in the nude. Now that I wasn’t pregnant and trying to deliver my cubs, I could appreciate his sleek, chiseled body.
Long, curved horns framed his thick, silky, midnight-blue hair. Long, pointed ears stuck out between the strands. The thin pupils of his bright, neon-green eyes were dilated and dark. His thin, black lips curved in his trademark cocky smirk, his fangs flashing when his thin, forked tongue tasted the air.
“Like what you see?” His voice had grown husky.
