“My baby boy, you sound all grown up, shaking towels at people.”
“Fucking hell, old bat.Iamall grown up.”
“Darling, I was about to put it away.Can you hand me those pants?”
Heath frowned.“Wide chinos?You’re going to wear wide chinos to the movie?What even is this color?A shade of boredom?”
“It’s pale sun yellow, I think.Sunny like your smile.Want to show me so I can compare?”
In response, Heath cursed for the next thirty seconds as he hung Maxim’s towel up in the bathroom.Maxim was forced to grab the chinos himself, checking that they matched the stylized cats before putting them on.Heath frowned more as he watched Maxim walk back into the bathroom and drag a comb through his damp hair before braiding it up.
“Dad, did I do something wrong?I mean, are you telling me this because… Did I make it worse?”
You are too sensitive, my love.What shall I do with you, little bird, wrap you in cotton wool and hope the world will never find you?But it’s too late for that, and you are too wonderful to lock away and forbid you to meet those whose days you’ll surely brighten.
“You didn’t, darling.I’m just asking that you allow things to go at Raven’s pace.What happened to him cannot be quantified.It has no borders like a country you might burn off your body’s map.It’s a memory of the body and of the mind, a beast to be tamed in intervals.”
Heath bit his bottom lip, nodded.“Okay.All right.But…the psychologists—”
“When he’s ready.”
“His family when he’s ready too?”
“That’s right.”
Heath nodded again.“What about the Forum?Getting him registered and all of that?I know we were going to keep that on the down-low anyway, but, uhm.We’re not… You’re not…” He swallowed and raised his chin, meeting Maxim’s eyes.“Dad, you’re not going to kill Raven.I don’t care about fucking procedure.I forbid it.”
Maxim finished his braid, tying the rubber band tightly around the end of it.“I have yet failed to tell him that is an option open to him in this instance.”
“Then don’t ever fucking tell him that!We’re going to have a fucking movie night, okay?Movie marathon.It’ll be fine.I think I’ll go on a blood diet with him to show him it’s not weird or anything.He’ll be fine, Dad!”
Maxim wanted nothing more than for that to be true, and in ways Heath couldn’t understand, he knew how little appeal living held for Raven right now, how small and unimportant being alive seemed.How enormous the memories were, how all-consuming.
Maxim closed the distance between himself and Heath and wrapped his son in his arms.“We’ll do our best to help him, darling, hmm?”
Heath hugged him back, never mind how hesitant he was about this kind of thing normally.“Okay.”
Maxim kissed his son’s head.To think I’d never have met you if I’d surrendered to the despair that’s now circling Raven’s mind.There is still light in the world, despite all that darkness.He’ll see it, just like I did.
Chapter 9
Thewaterhithimin the face.Some emotion, a big dark thing he could not name, boiled up in Raven, and as the water drowned the noise, he keened, not crying exactly.He started shivering.Steam rose, fogging up the glass shower wall and wafting out over it.Everything was wrong and strange, and Raven felt like he’d put on sandals to cross a frozen lake.
He spent minutes under the spray, lathering himself in obscene amounts of soap, over and over, rinsing it off, then trying again.Over and over.He sobbed.No one would be able to hear.He lathered up again when he remembered how that bedroom had smelled, when he wasn’t sure whether he still smelled like that or whether it was his imagination.
He turned off the shower in the end, but not because he was clean.They’ll come for me.They’ll come for me, and then they’ll see me like this.
Dripping wet, he started brushing his teeth in front of the clouded mirror, the square sink looking so shiny, even where he held on to it.He brushed, spat out the foam, once, twice, and again.When the mirror cleared by itself, droplets running down it like tears, Raven put the brush down by the side of the sink, struck by curiosity.
Maybe it’s a mistake,he thought, pulling back his lips.There was this one news story about some guy who thought he was a vampire and then broke both his legs because he jumped off a building trying to fly.
His teeth looked normal enough.Maybe that wasn’t blood Maxim gave me to drink.Nothing really makes sense anymore.Me being a vampire makes no sense.
Raven rinsed his mouth with the mouthwash he’d found.He could barely taste the strong minty flavor of it anymore once he was done, once he finally stumbled back into the guest bedroom on bare feet, tiredness still nipping at his mind.
I guess I forgot to use a towel.Who cares?It’s not like it really matters.
He went through his bag, then got dressed, not sure any of his clothes really matched.He was too tired to care about it.He put on socks, and he could tell that one was dark blue, one black and longer than the first.When he was done he just looked around the room, so quiet, not sure what to do.
