Through all this, Miguel was rock-steady. He answered Cody’s questions with patience. He kept Cody occupied when I lost it and couldn’t talk anymore. He was the one who realized we wouldn’t be able to fit Cody’s Lightning McQueen bed in either of our cars and called Marco to bring his crew to help us.
One thing I was dreading more than anything else was Cody asking how Allie got hurt. So far, he hadn’t, but I knew the question would be coming. Everything I read said to be honest but age-appropriate. What the fuck was age-appropriate about some asshole murdering his mother?
We decided to take both cars to Allie’s place in case there was more stuff than we realized. Cody threw a fit when he thought I was going to have him ride with Miguel. He only calmed down when I showed him his car seat in the back seat of my car.
Marco and his crew were at the apartment complex when we got there. All of the people who’d come to help me move were there to help me dismantle my sister’s apartment.
“Do you think anyone will give you a hard time for being in Allie’s apartment?” Miguel asked.
I shook my head. “Nah. I was there a couple of times a week. Most of her neighbors know me.”
Marissa and Andrea remembered to bring storage bins and moving boxes, making comments about men not being practical. Gabe shrugged. “We have tie-downs.” The indignant expressions on the women’s faces almost made me laugh. Almost.
Cody was distracted by all the big men with tattoos. He told them all about my tattoo and then said, “My mommy died. But she still has to make me a birthday cake, so maybe she’ll come back.”
Liam came over to me. “He has a birthday soon?”
I nodded, barely able to speak. “Thursday.”
“Well, shit.”
“Yeah.”
We went up to Allie’s apartment armed with our boxes. We decided to just focus on Cody’s stuff and any important papers. The rest could wait. I had my doubts the apartment complex would care that Allie was dead. They’d probably still want their rent money. I couldn’t do anything about it until I had a death certificate. Which reminded me that I had to tell the apartment manager that Allie had died. Jesus Christ. Why did I have to talk to all these people?Because an abusive motherfucker killed your sister.
The apartment was a bit of a mess, likely because Allie had been in a hurry to get out. There were still dishes in the sink and cold coffee in the coffee maker. Cody ran into Allie’s bedroom calling out, “Mommy?” and it almost broke me. We all froze for a second. Then Gabe took off after my nephew and picked him up. “Hey, little buddy, why don’t you show me your Lightning McQueen bed, okay?”
“Okay,” Cody said sadly. “Mommy’s not here.”
“I know,” Gabe said quietly. “Let’s go get your bed ready to move to Uncle Zach’s place.”
Andrea picked up one of the bins. “I’ll get the bed linens.”
I closed my eyes, desperately trying to hold back the tears. I felt Miguel’s smaller hand slip into mine.
“Zach,” I heard Marco say in a commanding tone. I opened my eyes to find him standing in front of me. “Don’t try to keep all that inside. It’ll only come out in worse ways aimed at the people you love.”
His words opened the dam, and tears welled in my eyes and slid down my cheeks. “I don’t want to scare Cody. I’m afraid if I let it out like I want to, he’ll be terrified.”
Miguel put his arm around my waist. “Maybe tonight we can get someone to stay at the apartment while Cody’s asleep, and you can go down to the beach and scream as much as you want.”
My body shuddered. “Yeah. Okay.” I turned to him and pulled him into my arms, tucking my face into the crook of his neck. I let my tears fall as silent sobs wracked my body. Miguel held on tight, running a soothing hand up and down my back.
“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmured.
“Is Uncle Zach crying?” I heard Cody ask.
“Yeah, he is, baby boy,” Andrea replied in her soft Southern accent. “He misses your mama, just like you do.”
Cody sniffled and burst into tears. “I miss Mommy too.”
I pulled away from Miguel and opened my arms. “Come on up, little man.” He ran to me, and I picked him up, drawing him into a three-person hug with Miguel. We stayed like that while the others packed and moved things out to the three pickups they brought with them.
We finally separated, and I put Cody back down. He immediately ran into his room and came back with a picture frame. Handing it to me, he demanded, “I want to see Daddy.”
The picture was of Nico in board shorts and a T-shirt, standing on the beach with the ocean behind him. Even though everyone said Cody looked like me, I could see Cody in Nico’s features. I let out a long breath. “I’m not sure I can do that, Cody.”
His face scrunched up and his eyes filled with tears. “I want Daddy! I want Daddy!”
