I was anything but unsure. I’d felt a lot more than what was involved with just friends for some time, right back to when we kissed on Clapham Common. Every woman I’d dated had never felt like permanence, there hadn’t been anyone I’d wanted to talk to more than Rose or share things with. One of them had even commented that I’d drop everything I was doing if Rose ever phoned, and I realised at that point that it would be difficult to ever move on from her.
We were both on shift. I’d spotted her this morning, talking to a nurse in the atrium of the hospital, but I’d been dashing off because I’d just been paged, which tied me up for the next two hours.
I saw her six hours later in the canteen, poking at a paper cup with a wooden stick and looking disgusted.
“This is getting worse.” She poked it some more while I sat down opposite her.
“The tea or the excuses you’re making for keeping away from me?”
She gave me exactly the same glare she’d given me when I was fifteen and returned her copy ofTo Kill a Mockingbirddog eared and with a cracked spine. I’d ended up buying her a cloth bound edition for Christmas two years later because she’d never let it drop.
“The tea and I’m not making excuses. I’m keeping my distance until the wedding’s over.” Rose kept her voice low. “I don’t want something to spoil your plans.”
“I don’t see how it can. Laurie’s brother married his wife while having an affair with the woman who’s still his mistress. It’s like something out of the aristocracy two hundred years ago.” I could understand why Laurie wanted out of the toxicity of family, which was another reason I was still going through with the favour.
“Jesus.” She shook her head. “I thought my family was unhinged sometimes.”
“Your family is ace. Your gran called the other evening.”
“Oh lord, she didn’t try and flirt with you again, did she? She doesn’t mean to flirt, she just does it because she knows it makes everyone else grit their teeth.”
“She didn’t flirt – she only ever did that when there was someone to see. No, she was checking in on how I was, which was kind.” It’d been good to see Marie. She’d been welcoming when I first moved to London after living in America for five years, being the grandparent I was missing. I wondered what she’d say if she had any idea that what I felt about her granddaughter wasn’t always just friendly. “Why have you spent the last two days actively avoiding me?”
She squeezed the teabag with the wooden stick against the paper wall of the cup with more force than I thought the cup could take. “I didn’t want to make things feel unprofessional.”
“Rose, we work in a hospital.” I didn’t need to say anymore because it wasn’t exactly hidden that people had flings with each other that would sometimes develop into something more serious. High pressure environments were great at pushing people together.
“True.” She finally looked up at me. “What if it’s not great between us?”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You know.” She blushed.
“I don’t know.” I had an idea but I was enjoying this.
“You do know. What if we’re incompatible like – that.”
“Like what, Rose? You’re going to have spell it out for me.” I somehow managed to keep my face straight.
She rested her chin on her hand, elbow on the questionably clean table. “You know what I mean.”
“I really don’t. How might we be incompatible?”
“In bed.”
“Why, do you snore?” I really was poking the bear now.
“Carter.” Her tone was warning. “What if we’re meant to just be friends?”
“Then we go back to just being friends.” I wasn’t sure that could actually happen. “Do you find me attractive?”
She stared at me like I was from outer space. “Yes. You know I do.”
“Do I?”
“I’ve kissed you. I don’t kiss men I don’t find attractive.”
“Really? What about Colin Matthews when you were in sixth form?” I’d wanted to beat him up afterwards, but contented myself with the knowledge Rose had felt sick after kissing him.
