“I feel like this is a dream.” She whispered the words.
“Surreal.”
“Yeah, in so many ways.” She stepped away, continued with the tea, filling the kettle and getting out the mugs.
I knew she’d pulled away because of Laurie.
“In a few weeks this promise to Laurie will be over with,” I said, watching her, trying to read her body language.
“I know. I’m rational, Carter. I believe you when you say there’s nothing romantic in it, and the way Laurie was kind of confirmed that apart from the hoodie.” She leaned against the worktop, waiting for the kettle to boil.
“You have your psychologist’s head on.”
“Better than a surgeon’s head when it comes to peopling.”
I laughed. “I’m not going to argue with you.”
We drank the tea, bantering about our disciplines, staying away from the topic of weddings and annulments and the clock climbed closer to one.
“I should go.” I rinsed my cup, emptied half an hour ago.
“You should. I’d offer the sofa but I think we need to go on a date first. After the wedding thing’s happened.”
“We can still hang out.”
“No more ghosting.” She followed me to the door.
“No more leaving me on read.”
She lifted onto her toes and pecked me on the cheek. “Another test of control.”
“We can’t risk something getting back to Laurie’s family.”
“Agreed.”
I said goodnight and left before I could beg her to let me stay, heading out into the rainy London night and a flat that was too big for one person.
CHAPTER 15
Rose
It felt surreal. The February grey sky that didn’t seem to change from day to day seemed brighter today, the clouds were less heavy, and the river caught the faint glimmers of yellow light that broke through.
Maybe it was because spring was approaching and the days were getting longer, or maybe it was because of last night and the text Carter had sent me this morning, simple, but it had lived rent free in my head.
Carter: Did you sleep well? X
I’d responded cautiously, drafting and re drafting the message three times, reading through each version and second guessing how each word could be interpreted. I’d managed to rein myself in, remembering that Carter wasn’t likely to spend more than fifteen seconds reading it, and his level of analysis would be superficial.
Me: Kind of. My brain took an hour to switch off. What about you? X
His response came quicker than I expected.
Carter: Slept like a baby. Finishing at one today as well. Are you still going to the bookshop opening tomorrow? X
Me: Yes. Harriet wouldn’t speak to me if I didn’t. X
I was also curious about Laurie, which was why I was outside Silversmiths now, the shop looking like it had been raised from Harriet’s girlhood fantasies. The sign looked like it belonged to a shop from a magical realm, dark wood and hand painted, the window frame painted dark brown, and the window display filled with different volumes of first editions, the jackets of the books like an exhibition in an art gallery.
