It’d been the same since I was twenty and I’d kissed her on a summer’s day on Clapham Common and never wanted to leave. Only that wasn’t an option, we both had other things we needed to do, studying, living in other places and meeting other people.
“I’m didn’t think I was putting someone else before Rose at the time. She was still with that wanker of an ex.” This was true, all of it. Then she mentioned about what things would be like with us both being single at the same time and what had laid dormant inside me woke, fierce and determined.
“Couldn’t you have waited to kiss her?”
“It was one of those moments and I don’t think I could. And it was sod’s law that she saw me and Laurie at that moment. That wasn’t how I wanted it to go.”
“Maybe you got what you deserve. Trust me, Carter, if you hurt her, I will end you and you can take that as a threat because I don’t have much to lose.” She stuck her chin up high, her jaw clenched, but what I saw in her eyes wasn’t stubbornness or threats. It was fear.
“What’s going on, Fallon?”
She looked away from me.
“When’s the last time you saw your specialist?”
“A while ago.”
“You need to get an appointment if things don’t feel right.” However much she’d just irritated the fuck out of me, she was still a friend, and she was Rose’s friend most of all.
“I will when I’ve time.”
“Don’t neglect your own health. You don’t want to be the surgeon who has a heart attack halfway through an operation risking your patient, do you?”
“That won’t happen.”
“It might if you don’t look after yourself. You look fucked, Fal, and not in a good way.” I was blunt, but she needed bluntness. Fallon ignored subtleties.
She refused to meet my eyes. “I might leave the run.”
“Good. Book yourself a massage instead. Rest. Make an appointment with your cardiologist and if when I see you again you haven’t, I’ll report you.” It wasn’t an empty threat. I wasn’t one of the old school who’d cover up for a bottle of whisky. I’d learned from my father who said what he saw and then he could always sleep easy.
“I’ll make an appointment. I know what he’ll say though.”
“Valve replacement.”
She nodded. “And everything it comes with.”
Operations, rest, risk, time away from work. Fallon loved her job; she was brilliant and fearless, pragmatic to a point where it was scary. Nurses loved to work with her, and her bosses couldn’t fault her.
“You can’t work if you’re dead.”
“I’m going to live forever, Carter, you know that.” She smiled remembering.
I did too. They day she’d jumped from the top of a cliff into the sea without knowing what was below.
She’d survived. I’d dived in after her. Rose had found the sensible way down.
“Let me know if you find the secret to eternal life then. Get yourself home and if you see Rose, tell her I need to speak to her.” I offered her a hug, Fallon taking it up and for the first time since I’d known her, she felt weak in my arms.
“Make an appointment. You’re running on empty.”
I had a nod in response and then she’d gone, picking up a bag and headed towards the women’s showers, which were only used if someone was desperate.
She found me half an hour later, slipping into my appointment room between patients, looking just as shattered.
“Digestive issues?” I said as she sat opposite me.
“Just trying to stomach your behaviour. I’ve been thinking about it while I’ve been showering the shift off me. You’re not meaning to make Rose upset, you’re scared.”
