“He did.” I was confused. “He’s my friend though.”
“Only because you friend zoned him years ago, and then you had that ridiculous thing with Rory.” She rolled her eyes. “Carter couldn’t stand him.”
“How did you know that?” Carter had said barely anything to me about Rory. I’d got the feeling that he wasn’t a fan, and Rory hadn’t been keen on Carter either, finding it odd that we were friends and nothing had ever happened between us.
Although it had. I’d just never really talked about it. I’d stopped thinking about it too, about five years after it happened. Obviously, prior to that I’d overthought it like a freight train crossing the Asian continent, on repeat.
Fallon sighed and smiled, one of those moments when she made me realise how much I missed about my own situations while being capable of reading anyone else’s.
“I think Carter wanted to ask you out when you started seeing Rory. He asked me a few things at work once and was a bit pissed off about you having a boyfriend. That’s all I know for sure.” She unfolded a napkin and refolded it, needing to fiddle with her hands, a frequent Fallon trait.
“And it’s taken you how many years to tell me this?” I wasn’t sure why I was so bothered by it. Things that happened in the past couldn’t be changed, just accepted and that was my psychologist’s brain in play.
Fallon shrugged. “I didn’t think it was information you needed and it would just make you awkward with Carter. You were mad about Rory at the time even though he was a walking red flag with red flags flagging from the red flag.” She looked wary. “And I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that Carter was into you like that or whether I was hallucinating after two thirty-six-hour shifts in four days.”
“Is that even possible? And flagging is the wrong word.”
“What? Me not being sure about something? Flagging worked just fine.”
“No, two thirty-six-hour shifts in four days. And flagging didn’t, but let’s leave it there.”
“I had eight hours sleep between two shifts, and didn’t you need maths for a psychology degree?” She tapped her wine glass with a talon.
“It wasn’t my strongest subject.” I smiled at the waiter bringing our food which looked like it was just what I needed. Hot, comforting, rich stodge.
Fallon’s was fancier, of course, some kind of wellington with fat chips that looked like they’d been cooked at least four times.
I was jealous of the chips.
“You’re not addressing the subject.” She sliced a delicate piece of the wellington.
“No. I suppose I’m not. I hadn’t thought of Carter like that. I didn’t think he saw me as anything apart from an annoying friend that he looked after.” My head was trying not to race with what ifs.
“Really?”
“Really. He’s never flirted with me. He kissed me once when I was fourteen and at a party – it was kind of a dare thing.” My first kiss. The only one, apparently, in my year at school who had never been kissed and my so-called school friends were teasing me about it. I was denying it, saying I’d kissed a boy on a holiday, but they wanted proof, to see me kiss someone in front of them.
Carter had volunteered, saving me from one awkward social situation at a time. All he needed was a red cape.
“I know. He told me.”
I almost dropped my fork and the only thing that prevented me from responding loudly was that my mouth was full of cottage pie, which was also too hot.
I managed to retain some dignity although the roof of my mouth suffered. “He told you?”
Fallon nodded. “I saw him the day after. We were both at the hospital – he came in with his dad and I was in for another op. He told me then.”
“That was fifteen years ago. You’ve known for that long and never said anything.”
“Why did I need to say anything? You seemed loads more confident afterwards so I didn’t need to ruin his face. And I was pretty sure you only liked him as a friend.” She took another mouthful and savoured it.
For a moment, I regretted my food choice.
“I did. I didn’t think he’d ever like me apart from as a friend. All the girls liked him – and some of the boys.”
Fallon nodded. “If you want me to be honest, I think he liked you as more than a friend.”
That was where the damage was done, only I didn’t realise it then. It was only a few weeks later, when my heart was in ruins again, that I’d wish Fallon hadn’t opened a Pandora’s Box in my mind.
