“You don’t sound sure. Is everyone okay?” I wasn’t a panicker. Neither was my dad, and if something really serious had happened, he or Amelie would’ve called, regardless of the time. There was a safety plan here to be able to get us back home in case of an emergency.
“Everyone’s fine. The house is all going through – nothing’s changed since yesterday.” She smiled, but it was forced.
Her hair was wild, her curls untamed, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. She looked flushed and little tired, and as if something was really on her mind.
“So why are you phoning now and why do I know something’s not right?” I wished like fuck I was there right now.
Tears started to fall from her eyes.
“Zoey, I need more than anything to be there right now and I can’t so please tell me what the matter is.”
She wiped at her eyes and tried another smile. “I don’t know how you’re going to take this and I’ve only known for three hours – I didn’t want to wake you too early and I wasn’t sure when you’d be up.”
“You can always send me a message and I’ll phone you as soon as, or just ring the facility if you can’t wake me up. What’s the matter? Please tell me. Everything will be okay, whatever it is.” I was really starting to worry now, trying to push it down so she didn’t see, and it wouldn’t upset her anymore.
She swallowed, sat up a little straighter, took a deep breath. “One of the things we talked about before you left has happened sooner than we said.”
I blinked, knowing what she was referring to straight away. “You’re pregnant?” A rush, heady and fast, making me lightheaded, my heart racing. I felt my face crack open with a grin and I was king of the world. “We’re having a baby?”
She nodded, smiling now, tears running, but these were different. She’d been worried about telling me. I remembered the conversation we’d had about getting married and having children a few days before I’d left to come here.
“I’m going to be a dad.” I hadn’t known I’d feel like this. There’d been a couple of scares before with girlfriends and I remembered half-praying for the test to be negative, knowing that while I’d step up and it would be all okay, I hadn’t been excited about it, and the relief when those tests had come back negative had been immense.
Maybe it was because I was older. Maybe it was because it was with her.
“You are. You’re not taking this like I thought you would.” She blew her nose and wiped her tears away with a tissue. “I thought you’d be upset.”
I thought about what words I should use. I knew Zoey; she’d have spent the last few hours wondering how I was going to react and trying to prepare herself for the worst. I got it.
“So did I.” It was a confession. “I’m surprised myself. I knocked you up.” I was imagining her full with my baby, her belly swollen, and I wished more than anything I was back home with her right now. “I’m feeling more than a little proud of myself right now.”
She looked stunned. “I thought – I thought you’d be cross. I told you I had us covered for contraception and I didn’t. I’m sorry, Cay.”
“Don’t be. Unless you are?” Dread hit me like a battering ram. “Do you want to keep it?”
This time she smiled, wide and full, her whole face lighting up. “Yes. Of course I do. I just hope he or she gets my singing voice and not yours. Yours could be used instead of a ship horn.”
She wasn’t wrong.
“Good. I thought for a second I was having the reaction you didn’t want. You know it’s your choice – it would’ve been either way.” I rubbed my head, maybe a little too violently. I wanted to move, to run, to breath fresh air. All of sudden I felt cooped up and I missed the seas and the grasses and the sands of home.
“I know you Cay. I know you would stand by me whatever I chose. So yeah, all being well, if everything goes smoothly, you’re going to be a dad in a few months.” She started to leak tears again. “I think I’m really hormonal and I can’t stop crying.”
“Fuck.” I rubbed my head again. “Do you want me to try and get home sooner?”
She shook her head. “No. You’ve only got another ten days. Fleur knows – she was with me when I took the test. In fact, it was Fleur who suggested I might be pregnant.”
“What made her think you were?” I knew enough from living in Puffin Bay what the signs were. I’d heard in the pub from the Holland brothers when they’d suspected that their wives were pregnant again, and I supposed I’d been away in the time when those tells would’ve been there with Zoey.
“I’ve been really tired, and emotional. I thought I was getting sick with something and she suggested I did a test – it was positive. I’m going to book in to see the doctor when you’re back so you can come with me. Fleur won’t say anything to anyone and I’m going to keep to myself this week so I don’t burst into tears and announce it in the Puffin Inn or something.” She gave me a wry smile.
I didn’t like that. I wasn’t one for secrets, especially ones that were being kept on my behalf and ones like this, which would be a cause for celebration.
“Why don’t we video call my dad and Amelie now and tell them, then they can be around until I get back. I know you’re not meant to tell people until you get to twelve weeks and all that, so if you don’t want to, that’s fine.” I watched her face trying to read what she was thinking from her expression.
There was a nod, and a smile, her shoulders relaxing. “What are they going to say?”
“I think they’ll be over the moon and back again. It isn’t like we’re kids, Zo. This didn’t happen when I was eighteen, which might’ve had a different response.” I was interested in how my dad was going to react to being a grandad. He hadn’t been around until I was fourteen through no fault of his own, and I’d understood why my mum had done what she did. He’d been married to his business, driven and passionate about working. Amelie (and I suppose me) had softened him. He’d slowed down with work in recent years, not because of health or fitness or anything like that, but because he could. He liked helping Amelie out with the pub and the bed and breakfast that they ran, and getting involved in the community centre that was still Amelie’s. He was only mid-fifties and seemed a lot younger. I suspected he’d be thrilled to be a granddad, although he might not want to be called that. There was going to be a lot of mileage in winding him up.
