She laughed. “Once you’ve given birth you hand over any dignity you have left. Just piss on the stick. I’m dying to know.”
I managed, finally, not even getting time to pull my jeans back up before Fleur was in there, taking hold of the pregnancy test and holding it over the sink.
“Aren’t you meant to let me find out first?”
“Come and watch with me. I’m not missing out on the result.” She eyed me evilly. “Seriously, will you be happy if you are?”
I nodded. “I think I might be disappointed if I’m not and I feel really bad for saying that.”
“Don’t feel bad. Apart from when they’re dying their hair, they’re great. Especially when they’re sleeping. Look.” She pointed at the test. “That’s why you’ve been tired and hormonal. You’re baking a baby.”
“Fuck.” I stared at the test, tears blurring the view. My hand was on my stomach, I felt warm, elated, scared.
Happy.
“Congratulations. You and Caleb are going to be parents.” Her smile was beaming. She put the test down and enveloped me in a huge hug. “And it really will be okay.”
“Thank you. I guess I know it will be. I hope he’s happy when he’s gotten over the shock.” Part of me wanted to call him now and tell him; part of me wanted to wait until he got home. I wasn’t sure yet, my brain drowning in a gazillion thoughts, feeling light-headed.
“He will be. You know him – he will be too.”
Three Years Ago
I sat on the bed of the hotel and stared at the box in my hand. I’d had to ask Carissa to get it for me – if I’d been spotted buying it, there was a good chance it would have ended up in the media and that absolutely wasn’t on my bucket list to do right now.
My period was late, only by a couple of days, and there could be other explanations as to why that was – stress, three flights in four days, nature sticking her finger up at me – but one was that I could be pregnant and that wasn’t something I wanted to be right now.
I was careful. My contraceptive shot was scheduled regularly. I used condoms. I avoided sex when my health app told me I was at my most fertile, which hadn’t gone down well with my current boyfriend. I didn’t have a problem with missing out on sex with him, which was an indicator of what I needed to do as soon as I’d taken this test.
What if it was positive?
What the fuck would I do?
My phone rang, a welcome distraction. Caleb’s name and a photo of him and me on the beach at Elderwood Sound flashed up on my screen. There was no point in not telling him – he could read me like a book even when I was on another continent, and I didn’t have it in me to even try to lie competently enough right now.
“Hey.” I was as enthusiastic as a child who’d just been told they were allergic to chocolate.
“You okay?” There we had it. A sixth sense developed after a decade of friendship, or however long it was.
“No. I’m really not.” I started to cry. It was the first time in months anyone had asked me that.
I heard him sigh. This wasn’t the first time I’d cried down the phone to him; he’d become agitated because he couldn't be there to fix it. I had no idea how he was going to react to this.
“What is it? Who do I need to arrange to have killed?”
I managed a laugh, although it wasn’t going to win me any Oscars. “I’m late.”
“For what?”
Bless him, the idiot. “My period’s late.”
“Oh, that’s a bit shit. Have you done a pregnancy test?” He sounded way too calm – at least compared to what I was expecting.
“I’m about to.”
“What brand did you get?”
I read it out to him and frowned. “How do you know about brands?”
