“That we were always more than friends.” She looked downcast, the kitten back in her arms and gazing up at her like she’d just brought him a freshly caught mouse.
I shrugged. “She’s probably right. What do we do?” Another incident of me being clueless.
“We just let people know that we’re properly together and then the jungle drums in the town will pass that news on and we carry on as we have been doing. I mean, that’s if you want to.” She frowned, looking worried.
Shit. I realised in that moment that she was just as uncertain as me. I’d never been a fearful kid; having a condition where I’d needed a liver or face the rest of my severely shortened life in hospital had taken away a lot of fear. I would make a calculated risk, I’d speak my mind, I’d walk away from a situation if I thought it could be toxic, I didn’t maintain a friendship if it wasn’t giving as much as it took.
I risked losing Zoey if I told her how I felt and if I didn’t. I’d kick myself more if she didn’t know, and by the look on her face right now, she was just as unsure and looking for a hint as I was.
“I’ve wanted to be more than your friend since I met you, Zo. I just never told you.” There. I’d said it. “I still want to be more than your friend.”
“Oh.” Her eyes went wide. “Oh. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because you were this big famous popstar and I’m just a small town boy who’s strangely obsessed with things that live in the sea. Why on earth would you be interested in me? Especially after I was so tongue tied the first time I met you.”
She started to laugh, putting the kitten down who obviously was unsure about the laughter. “I thought you were cute. Like the popular boy in class and I’d never even been on a date when I met you. It was really obvious that summer that girls just threw themselves at you and I thought there was no way you’d want a girlfriend you hardly ever saw when you could be sleeping with a different girl each week – and don't deny it, Caleb, that was what you did.”
“Every other week maybe. Not every week.” The kitten decided to climb up my leg, along with its sibling. Obviously I was now a cat tree. I’d come far in life. “And I would’ve waited for you. I kind of did anyway.”
She froze, her lips parting slightly as if she was about to say something.
“I didn’t ever say anything because I had no idea that you liked me as any more than a friend.” There, it was all out now, almost all.
“I didn’t think you were interested because you’d never made a move on me. It was always me who wanted a hug from you – you never even tried to cadge a feel.” Her laugh was half disbelief and half amusement. “Is that why you always ended with your girlfriends before I came back here?”
I nodded. “A couple of them finished with me because they said I was too in love with you. They knew if you asked me to be somewhere, I’d drop everything else.” They’d been right, which was why I’d never argued, and as I’d gotten older I’d ended things sooner before it got to that stage, not wanting to waste anyone’s time or break anyone’s heart. I was no saint, but neither was I an arsehole. Amelie would’ve killed me if I was.
“You always did. Drop everything.”
“So did you. How many times did you manage to fly out to see me when I was about to head out on a vessel for weeks? Not that I’m expecting you to come to Antarctica.” I sat down on the sofa, one of the twin’s phones almost getting crushed.
She sat down next to me, her legs locking over my lap. “I got out to see you as often as I could because you were my normality in all the crazy and I don’t want the crazy any more. I don’t want the fast-paced, out of control rollercoaster I’ve been on, Cay. I want to take the parts I love – the writing songs and being creative – and have the parts of my life that I love too, like you.” Her voice waivered, her body froze.
I realised what she’d said.
“Do you love me?” I’d never had a woman say that to me before, apart from my mum and Amelie, and once my sister, although she’d denied it afterwards.
Zoey laughed quietly, her cheeks red, eyes bright. “You really have no idea, have you?”
I shook my head. “Not a clue. That shouldn’t surprise you.”
“Then I’ll spell it out for you. I love you. I want to be in Puffin Bay because that’s where you are, and I rather like it too.” She twisted somehow so she could wrap her arms around me, giving me a sweet kiss.
I was hyper aware of how Seren and Flora could come back at any point, especially because one of them had forgotten their phone, so a sweet kiss was all either of us were getting at the moment.
“I’d move to where you wanted to be, you know.” I pulled her onto my knee, relishing the feel of her there. “I love you too. I have since that first summer.”
“I was worried you were going to say you didn’t feel the same.” She started to laugh. “Then I’d have had to move far, far away.”
“You don’t need to move anywhere. What about that house though? These kittens are going to need more room than what we have at Mavis’ and I’m not sure Amelie would have them in the flat.” Practicalities were an easy language. “Do we buy that place together?”
She nodded. “Yes. You can have a boatshed and I can have a recording studio. There’s room for you to have a home office and plenty of space if we need it in the future.” She was tentative again. “Where do we go from here, Caleb? What happens next?”
“That’s an easy question to answer. We go to the Puffin Inn and celebrate the fact that Peter Cash is no longer a problem. We buy Roe Holland a very strong drink. Then we have Christmas and your birthday, and I go to the other side of the world for six weeks, which means you have to do the house bartering thing. Then I come back and we work it out from there.” This I was good at, the planning stuff, the working out how to get everything to fit into a place so it could run smoothly.
She nodded, but I could tell there was still something she wanted to mention. Her body went still, as it she’d frozen.
“You may as well spit it out now rather than let it fester. It seems to have been a day for it.” I kissed the top of her head, not worried about anything she had to say. She loved me. I loved her. It was that simple really, everything else could be sorted out.
