Maybe it was because the rest of my life was changing I wanted to cling on to the person who’d been my anchor for more than the last decade and this was fleeting and I could wreck my most amazing friendship – I’d thought about both those things at length. Almost as much as I’d thought about how Caleb’s erection had felt pushed up against me that night we slept in the room at the Puffin Inn.
“I wanted to see what you thought of it?”
He picked up a cushion and held it over his face with a groan.
“I can see your nipples.”
I glanced down. Yep, they were definitely visible.
“They look good.” They really did. I liked my body, usually with a little more curve than what the tour had taken off me, and I especially liked my boobs. “You’ve seen them before.”
He moved the cushion onto his lap and squinted at me. “You know I only have so much resolve, don’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Zoey - ”
“Do you remember what I said last night? About pretending to be pretending?” My heart pounded, preparing itself for rejection.
He nodded, not looking away. “We’ve blurred the lines.”
“We have.” I moved to sit down next to him, pleased that his eyes went to my tits. “I like kissing you. I like you being handsy with me. That isn’t a new thing.”
He put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side for a hug. He smelled of sleep and last night’s aftershave and him. It was one of my favourite smells.
“I like kissing you too. It’s hardly a hardship.” He cracked a smile. “I still think about when we slept together.”
“I do too. I meant what I said – you wrecked me for everyone else and you were only eighteen. Was that your peak?” I poked at his chest and then let my hand sprawl there, feeling his warm skin, smooth underneath the dusting of hair.
“Absolutely not. I have far more skills now.” His arm tightened around me. “So you still want to bang my brains out?”
I nodded. “I haven’t had sex for months.”
“Why?”
“Couldn’t find anyone to take a chance on.” And I wasn’t a one night stand girl. I needed a connection that wasn’t just physical. I’d tried one night stands a couple of times and woke up the next day regretting it, not knowing the person next to me. I’d tried the friends with benefits with one of my security guards on tour once and it’d just made things awkward.
“So you have an itch you want me to scratch?”
“Basically, yes.” Which was untrue. I wanted him to be mine, not some other woman’s.
“A favour, like when I took your virginity.”
“I gave you my virginity. You didn’t take it.” I’d held the power that night, which was probably why I’d chosen him.
“I like that better.” He ran his fingers up and down my arm, making my skin tighten, including my nipples. “I also like the nightdress.”
“I thought you would.”
“Are you trying to seduce me?”
I nodded. “Is it working?”
“I’m trying very hard for it to not work right now. I don’t know, Zoey. Scratching an itch is one thing, messing about when we were a bit more than kids is another, but getting involved now – I want to, but – ” He shrugged and shook his head. “Every time I’ve told a girlfriend I’m not attracted to you, I’ve lied. If we cross that boundary now when we’re not exactly kids anymore – it’s going to change things.”
I felt my heart sink.
“You have a ton of change going on at the moment. What if this is just because of that?” He looked more earnest than I’d seen him for a while.
