“How old was she?”
“About twenty something.” And that had been a highlight. She knew how old I was and guessed at my inexperience, so I’d had the best two nights of lessons ever.
“Twenty something. Who was the fourth?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Because I want to know. I’m being nosey.” She hugged a cushion.
I swallowed. “The other was a student at the university. I met her at the open day. She gave me a tour of the halls of residence.” I practiced some of my new skills on her and now she wouldn’t stop texting me. “That’s it. I’m seventeen, Zoey, I’ve just found out how to use my dick. Don’t dick shame me.”
She burst out laughing. “Dick shame? Where’ve you got that from? Wanker!” The cushion was launched at me.
I caught it before it hit me in the face. “Don’t tell me you’re not hooking up with rock stars or famous people at parties.”
She laughed, shaking her head so her blonde messy curls bounced around. “There’s no time for parties and I’m not hooking up with anyone. It’s work, work, work.”
“You’re liking it though, aren’t you?” I wasn’t sure she was. When I spoke to her on the phone last week, she’d sounded like she’d been crying.
“It’s okay. I’m living a lot of people’s dream. I appreciate that.” She lay down on the sofa. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“Come and sit here so I can’t see your face.”
I moved so I was sitting on the floor against the sofa, my back to her. Her fingers played with my hair which felt nicer than it should. “What’s wrong with my face?”
“Nothing’s wrong with your face. I just need to tell you something and it’s embarrassing.”
“Did you fart and then shit yourself?”
“No. I have never done that. Have you?”
“Not since I was about four. My mum still laughs about it. So whatever you say, it can’t be that embarrassing.”
“It is.”
“Go on then.”
“I feel like I should be drunk or stoned or something to tell you this.”
“Get on with it, Zo, before I die of old age.” I caught hold of her hand and held on to it. Whatever she wanted to say she was nervous about it.
I was nervous about it.
“I’ve never slept with anyone. Don’t laugh.”
I wanted to swing around to see her, to check that she was okay but I knew she wouldn’t want me to see her vulnerable. I knew her too well by now, and well enough to know that the thin façade she had built in front of her was fragile. I wasn’t going to push it down.
“Why would I laugh about that?” It was true. Why would I, or anyone?
She was quiet for a moment. “Because I’m eighteen and I’ve never had sex with anyone. It’s weird.”
“Can I turn round now?” I couldn’t carry on this conversation without looking at her. “I’m not going to laugh and I don’t think it’s weird.”
“Okay. I’ll hit you with a cushion if you laugh at me.”
I got up and sat on the edge of the sofa, making her move. “You shouldn’t sleep with anyone unless you really want to, and if you’ve not met someone that you really want to with, then don’t waste your first time.”
