“Taxi and a ticket.” I knew that wasn’t what he meant.
“Hilarious. I’m so glad you’re here. Leaving you this morning was fucking agony.” He stretched his legs out, a beauty of first class. “I got here and I didn’t know why I’d left you.”
“The kids.”
“That was the only reason and I can’t wait to see them, but - ” he looked at me as if I’d hung the moon and created the stars to go with it.
“I didn’t sleep.” Something that was going to hit me in about ten minutes. Relief and exhaustion were crashing through my veins now. “I just thought why was I waiting to come back with you and I couldn’t find a good reason why.”
He nodded, looking exhausted too, nodding at the air stewardess who looked like she wanted us to be quiet now.
We held hands while they went through the safety demonstration, his fingers intertwined with mine, throwing little glances at each other as if neither of us could believe this was real.
Then the plane took off and we left New York, flying away from the place where I’d lived for the last few years, where myparents were, where my friends were and the place I worked, the place I’d been aiming to work at and be the best at since I was a kid making bigger decisions than I was old enough for.
“Are you coming home with me?” That was the first question he asked when we were in the air, the seatbelt signs still on, smoking still forbidden for a few more minutes.
“Yes. If that’s okay. Maybe we shouldn’t tell the kids straightaway that I’m your - ” I searched for the right word.
“Fiancée?”
“Yes. That. Just let them meet me.”
He didn’t nod, his eyes flickering with amusement. “Max asked me if I’d made any friends and I told him about you and he asked if you were my girlfriend. I said yes. He asked if I’d kissed you and I told him yes. His response was exactly what you’d expect of an eight-year-old.”
I laughed, remembering my siblings at that age. Remembering me at that age. “It’s not going to be easy,” I said, because it wasn’t. The next few weeks especially were going to be hard.
“It’s not. I’m going to piss you off at some point and you’re going to wonder why you left everything for me.” Vulnerability, something I’d rarely seen him wear, sheathed him like a cloak. “I’ll try to remind you. Make sure I never forget to remind you.”
“I won’t. I’ll be the best thing that’s happened to you – apart from those little ones.”
“Let’s see if you feel like that about them in another few days. Our world’s are about to explode, but you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I already know that. I need to prove the same to you.”
CHAPTER 10
CLAIRE
The photos were an issue, as were some of other bits and pieces that’d been left out for us to discover and some other pieces and bits that we discovered by accident. None of us wanted them and all of us wanted them, kind of, although this was expressed in different ways.
Jackson. “Van’ll be pissed off if I bring more shit home.”
Max. “I’m not sure we have space unless Vic doesn’t have her bathroom.”
Ava. “New baby incoming. Everything will be destroyed.”
Payton. “I’d love them, but I’d feel bad.”
Seph. “We’ll have them. Rose loves all this family stuff at the moment.”
Me. “So does Eliza.”
Callum. “We can clear a room in the farmhouse, but when would the rest of you get to see it?”
I rubbed my eyes and debated the ideas I’d already had to find a solution for what we did with the physical memories that needed to be kept and loved and looked after and looked at by us and our kids and our grandkids when they came.
“I think we need to take them back home. To Oxford. Then when we’re there, we can look at what we want and we know where things are. There’s going to be a time when we and the kids want to see this stuff.” I’d decided therefore it would happen.
Killian called me stubborn, which wasn’t exactly untrue, and arguably fairly accurate. I was also pretty good at coming to a decision that was fair to everyone – having four daughters meant this was an essential skill.
