Max: Your children are feral. Until they’ve been wrangled, can you keep them out of the building?
Claire: I wasn’t going to mention it, but she was in the photocopying room with Lucy so I’m suspecting something sticky has been inserted somewhere.
That was my cue to come in.
Me: Something sticky being inserted somewhere’s definitely what caused all of these problems.
There was no response for another minute. I doubted it was because they were working.
“Good comment,” Grant said, having moved so he could read everything over my shoulder.
Max: We’ve had fruit of dad’s loins and sticky things being inserted. I’ve just been to the photocopying room and Seph’s not there, so I’m wondering if he’s gone looking for bleach.
Me: Possibly. We didn’t plan to have twins. I am sorry about that.
Seph: I’m starting to feel like I should find a new family. All this abuse can get to a person, you know.
Max: [Sends GIF of a dog walking away with a knapsack on his back]
Claire: That’s the saddest thing I’ve seen since Killian took away Orla’s monkey.
Seph: Why did he take monkey away?
Claire: Because she vomited over it and it needed washing. He’s on daddy day care duty today so I’m not holding out much hope she’ll have monkey back when she gets home from school. World War Seven could break out later.
Max: I thought we were up to World War Six?
Claire: That happened two nights ago. We’re over that now.
Max: Did Killian survive in one piece?
Claire: Almost. Marie, what’s this about on Saturday and why just us?
Me: Your father wants to see the fruit of his loins all together before we go on holiday.
Claire: He usually prefers to see the grandkids. We’re rotten meat now they’ve come along.
Max: You did produce four of them.
Claire: I’m not the only one.
Claire: Seriously, are you both okay?
Me: Both fighting fit and in the prime of our lives. Looking forward to two weeks of uninterrupted bliss, with no last minute requests to look after sick children or pick something or someone up. Or finding Seph in the fridge.
Claire: When was Seph in the fridge?
Seph: There was an explanation!!!!
Me: Three nights ago. And the explanation isn’t good, is it, Joseph?
Max: You’ve been first-named…
Seph: Georgia banned chocolate.
Claire: Rose was eating some yesterday. Was it contraband?
Me: Georgia has banned Seph from eating too much sugar because she thinks it’s making him hyperactive.
