Romy
We were at the end of the school year. Four weeks had passed since the hostage incident, four weeks which had seen the girls’ birthday, end of school year assemblies and a weekend away in Chester, that’d been rather a success on all counts.
We had a routine where Cas stayed over at the weekends and on a Wednesday night after we had tea at the Puffin Inn, the other nights he’d stay at Beryl’s after working on the schoolhouse, whose renovations had now started. Both girls were accessing therapy, which seemed to be working wonders for them, especially as Mia was starting to talk more and become more assertive.
So when I’d asked her if she wanted to visit her mother, she’d been vocal.
“Yes, but if I don’t want to stay, I want to be able to leave straightaway,” she’d said, with her chin tipped high. “I don’t like what she did in Mr Caddick’s office.”
The social worker had told her that was fine, so Mia had agreed to see her, which meant we were having our first day trip alone. Cas was looking after Heidi, which basically meant he was taking her to the beach, as I didn’t think this was an experience Heidi needed to share. We’d been open with her about most things, so she had the same idea as Mia had of what had happened.
The girls had also developed a way of separating Cassian at school from Cassian at home. He was Mr Caddick with anything that happened at school, but became Cas pretty quickly. He’d gotten used to having two energetic kids around too, not even complaining when Heidi accidentally kneed him between the legs when she ran at him.
I’d found it too funny to be sympathetic.
“So after you’ve seen Mummy, I’m going to go and have a chat with her.” I gave Mia a little cuddle. The social worker had met us there; she would be present while Mia spoke with Cara, supervised contact a requirement. Cara had asked to speak to me too.
“What will you say to her?” Mia looked serious.
“How well you’re doing and how helpful you are at home. I won’t be very long.” I gave her another hug before Sue took her hand and guided her into the room where Cara was waiting for her daughter.
This, I was nervous about. I’d been less nervous at Caleb babysitting them when we went on a date, even though he was threatening to teach them to line dance in my kitchen. I was prepared for Mia to come out crying that she missed Cara, crying that she hated Cara, or to come out not saying anything at all.
The Mia who walked out had her shoulders back and her chin up, but her lips were closed. She went straight to the seat next to me and sat down, giving me a look that I’d seen a few times before, and associated it with vegetables that were overcooked.
“How did it go?” I looked at the social worker who shook her head and looked downcast.
Mia had a split second of looking sad before applying that mask again. “I don’t want to see her again. Not for a bit.”
“That’s fine.”
Her head snapped towards me. “You’re not making me go back next week?”
“No. You only see her if you want to.” There was something in some guidance that said the relationship should be fostered regardless, but the independent reviewing officer who oversaw Mia’s case, was very much about the voice of the child.
“Good.” She picked up the little rucksack she’d brought with her, pulled out the stuffed toy dog Amelie had bought her for her birthday, and took out her colouring book and crayons.
I figured that was all we were getting.
“Anything I need to know before I go and see Cara?” I saw the prison warden waiting for me to go in.
Sue shook her head. “Be aware Cara’s not on good form.”
“Okay.” That sounded ominous. I tried to calm my nerves as I walked down the corridor to the plain room that’d been set up for us to visit. I didn’t have to say yes to seeing Cara, it was given as an option as Cara had requested it, but I felt I should. We’d given birth in the same ward, trodden a similar path as single mums, lived in the same town, had daughters the same age – yet I couldn’t find it in me to empathise with her.
I paused at the door.
“You don’t have to go in.” The warden sounded bored.
“I will. Maybe just this once.”
Cara sat at a table, head in hands, staring at me. She was thin and pale and her hair looked unwashed. I hated what Mia must’ve thought when she saw her mum.
“Romy. I believe I need to say thank you.” Her words sounded slurred. “Thank you for looking after Mia.”
“You could’ve asked me to have her if you’d needed to leave town.” I had to say it. “She didn’t need to be left locked out.”
“I left her a key.” Cara sucked at her teeth. “She can look after herself, but she doesn’t need to now she’s got a proper mum. That’s what she told me you were: a proper mum. You make sure she brushes her teeth and listen to her read every night and cook for her. That’s what I was meant to do, apparently.” She stared at the wall.
