“Let’s hope she uses her powers for good.” Romy stuffed her hands in her pocket and bit her lips together. “Look, you’ve been really kind with everything that’s gone on with Mia and I know you’re settling into town, so I wondered if you wanted to grab dinner with me one evening, just as friends, the girls would be with Heidi’s gran - ”
I wanted to say yes. I really wanted to say yes. I liked Romy; she was good to talk to, she was pretty and all that, and I liked her laugh and how her eyes crinkled when she smiled. There was a lot to be said for someone who would take on another child at a moment’s notice and not even question whether someone else could do it.
But I couldn’t say yes. I could tell she liked me, which I guessed was a big thing for her. I knew from staffroom gossip that she hadn’t dated anyone since Joel had died. I couldn’timagine how it was, getting over the death of your partner and staying in the town where everyone remembered him. She’d be forever Joel’s widow.
“Thank you for the offer – it’s really kind. I really need to sort my life out before I start socialising – maybe we can grab a drink again at the Puffin Inn when you’re there with the girls.” I felt like a tool and it wasn’t the answer I wanted to give.
I wasn’t sure if that was relief on her face or maybe disappointment, she still had a smile so maybe she was just being kind and feeling sorry for me.
“Sounds good. I’ll get you a pint, if you’re allowed to accept drinks from parents in your role.”
“I think it’s allowed.” The chair of governors had encouraged me to be part of the community. Part of the reason I’d been appointed had been because I wanted to live in Puffin Bay. The other part was because I was the only viable candidate though. “I’ll see you later though, no doubt, neighbour.” I flashed my best smile, not sure if she had kind of asked me on a date or not and hoping I hadn’t offended her.
“You’ll definitely hear us. See you then.”
I watched her walk away, talking to one of the other parents as she headed off, but she did look back and gave me a quick smile, noticing I was still watching her.
TEN
Romy
Istood at the gates of the school waiting for Heidi and Mia to come out of the doors and then we could choose a cake to take home. The last Friday of every month was cake day, a payday treat and a tradition that I was more passionate about than my daughter was. I was hoping Mia would have the same sweet tooth for cake instead of candy so I had an excuse to indulge myself.
Before having Heidi, I’d been a keen runner. I’d managed to complete four half marathons and countless 10ks, running most mornings up until the later stages of my pregnancy. I liked the freedom of being outside, only restricted by how I was feeling that day, and enjoying the power I found in my body and the places I could take myself, seeing parts of the island that I would’ve missed otherwise.
Being a single mum meant that rarely happened now. Those toned muscles weren’t quite what they were, although yoga and pilates had helped in some ways, but they didn’t burn anywhere near as many calories as running did, so the cake had to bea one-off else I’d be looking like a cake. Probably an orange and cardamon one, which was Amelie’s new favourite flavour to make, and far too delicious to be legal.
All the other children had run out of the school doors to their parents or older siblings apart from Heidi, which wasn’t that unusual. Mia was with me already, never really leaving my sight unless she was upstairs in the house that now felt too small. At some point, when things were calmer, we’d have to work on that. I’d spoken to school about a recommendation for a therapist that social care had offered to fund, so that was in the process of being sorted, and in the meantime I was spending time with her drawing and playing side by side, half expecting her to disclose something else about the mysterious man called Logan.
Last week, before Cara had disappeared, Heidi had been hidden with a book in part of the library, completely lost in another world that the pictures had created. Her teacher had eventually brought her out, the two of them having some in depth conversation about the story. Heidi was obsessed with books to the extent Cassian had spoken to me last night about her being one of the pupils to attend an event in Chester with a children’s author. I’d become flustered, giving a million apologies about my daughter’s book obsession because whenever I saw him now, I ended up a garbling mess.
I was embarrassed about Wednesday when I’d asked him out. Liv told me I’d phrased it right, because it hadn’t been as clear cut as ‘do you want to go on a date’, which would’ve ended me if he’d turned me down after that. He turned me down kindly and I got why, but I’d kind of asked – which was the first step to getting back on the horse.
He was still a real hot spot of eye candy.
Heidi walked out with Mr Caddick, who was wearing his usual slacks and shirt, no tie, the top button always undone. His dark hair was slightly unkempt, as if he’d been playing footballwith the kids and forgotten to straighten it, which was probably exactly what had happened. The parents and kids were loving him, which was good, as him taking over from the previous head, who’d been there for multiple decades, must’ve been tricky.
“Mummy!” She set off at high speed and launched herself towards me. “Mr Caddick had a box of books delivered and he said I could help Mrs Taylor unpack it in the library.”
His grin was deliciously boyish when he got to us. “Sorry, they lost track of time. The excitement over new books is real.”
“Tell me about it.” I felt my faculties reduce to simpering, shy teenager mode who had no idea what to say. He was way too cute, too charming and too available for me to engage in more than a minute’s worth of conversation with. The speculation about his love life had been rife the last few days with the parents at the school gates. Everyone was taken with him, trying to work out why he was still single, even though it was only a hot minute since he’d split from his wife.
Puffin Bay was a community I loved – I’d chosen to stay there after Joel died because of the support it offered – but it loved its gossip. Mr Caddick needed to adjust a little more before he became even more of the centre of speculation.
His smile was far too charming.
“How are things? Found any more locked-out children recently?” He raised his brows and amplified that smile even more.
My stomach flip-flopped.
It had been a long time since I’d been interested in a man and now it felt like I was being reborn a thirteen-year-old again who was noticing boys for the first time. For three years after Joel died, I’d thought I was beyond ever wanting a relationship again, even a fleeting one with a gorgeous visitor to town. Then Amelie had loaned me a romance book, something I’d never read before, and I’d been hooked.
I ploughed through book boyfriends like I was seeking salvation. Slowly my libido was resuscitated, and now she was definitely fully formed and swooning over Cas Caddick. That dream had only fuelled the daytime fantasies which I’d been happy to indulge in, even though my offer of a non-date had been rejected.
I guessed that made him safe. The heartache of losing Joel would never be forgotten. If I loved someone else, I risked being vulnerable to losing them and feeling that sort of pain again and I wasn’t sure I could do that. Maybe Cas Caddick had been put here for me to explore the idea of a relationship, realise I wasn’t dead from the waist down and maybe contemplate a relationship with someone else in the distant future.
“No more locked-out children. I’m just Heidi-wrangling at the moment. Mia’s a dream – maybe too much of one.” My delightful daughter was completely engrossed in whatever book she’d pilfered from the school library and had wandered over to the bench near the playground entrance. “Although Heidi spends most of her time buried in a book.”
