“The baby’s okay?” He looked at Carole as if she’d just relit the moon.
“Your baby’s got a lovely strong heartbeat. It’s just where I’d want it for week ten, so all’s very good there. Shall we have a look while you’re here and you can see.” She was focusing on the screen now, pressing a few buttons and then something else was placed on my stomach.
My attention was caught by Gully, who just looked gobsmacked and on the verge of tears. His hands were pressed deep into his pockets and he seemed unsure where he wanted to look, glancing back and forth between me and the screen.
A few seconds later and we were both fixed on the screen. Gully had loosened his hands and they were holding mine, both of us spellbound with the moving jellybean on the screen.
“There’s your baby. Measuring well, looking lively. I’d say you shouldn’t have anything to worry about, just take care of yourself, eat well, have fun – growing babies like it when their mummies are happy, lots of good hormones for them – be as active as you can while being sensible and that’s your job being done well.” Her smile was beaming. “I love this part of my job.”
“So the baby’s healthy. She’s well?” Gully didn’t look away from the screen.
“Everything is as I’d want it to be at this stage.” Carole’s tone was calm and friendly, motherly in lots of ways. “Things can still happen, but the longer you go, the less likely. I know this is an IVF baby, but everything the clinic has sent tells us that you shouldn’t have any more complications than a couple that’s conceived through natural means. There’s no reason to unnecessarily worry; enjoy being pregnant as much as you can.”
“Iris was sick at a different time yesterday, does that mean anything?” He was still panicking.
Carole shook her head. “Not necessarily. Things can change in pregnancy. Hormones vary, there are lots of factors, but don’t overthink any of it. Be concerned if there’s a lot of sudden blood loss – a little bit of spotting isn’t unusual – or cramps. Thesecond trimester, which you’re heading into, is when you’ll feel more energised and active.” Her eyes twinkled. “Your sex drive will increase as well. Make the most of it because after your baby’s here, it’ll probably be the last thing on your mind.”
“Unless you’re my sister-in-law.” Gully finally broke out of his shock-induced silence. “She got pregnant with her second two months after she’d had her first.”
More twinkling eyes. “I remember. It does happen. And I take it you had some embryos frozen for the future? In case you want more babies after this?”
I looked at Gully. We’d only skirted over this briefly in the clinic when they’d told us how many viable embryos had been made. Because of my age and health, we’d been advised to just have the one implanted. If I’d been older or there’d been concerns about my ability to carry a baby, we’d have tried more.
“We have more for the future.” Gully looked at me and finally smiled. His grip on my hand had relaxed some. “I think we’ll decide what happens if we survive having one.”
Carole laughed, pressing another couple of buttons. “Sensible. I’ve printed a few copies of this out for you, but you can take a video of your baby too. It’s a nice record.” She assessed Gully. “You saidshebefore. Was there a reason?”
He looked stunned for a moment. “No, I just – I don’t know.”
“Would you prefer a girl?” I wished I had hold of my camera so I could take a photo of his expression right now.
He focused on me and shook his head. “I don’t care. As long as you and they are healthy, that really is all that matters.”
Carole smiled again, this time at me. “You’ll have your next scan at twenty weeks, unless there’s any reason for another before then. You can find out at twenty weeks what the gender is if you want. That’s up to you.”
“We’ll talk about it.” I watched Gully take his phone out and start to video the screen. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know ornot, but I was curious why Gully had saidshe. The idea of him holding our baby was a heady one and did things to my insides that made my heart melt; the idea of him with a daughter, knowing how protective he’d be, made me smile a little bigger.
“I’m going to be a dad.” He looked at me, stopping filming. “Our baby’s going to call me daddy.”
I started to laugh, he was impossibly lovely right now, all thrilled and excited. “That’ll include when they’re seventeen and need a lift home at one o’clock in the morning, or they want money for something like a new pair of trainers.”
He looked soppy and daft.
“You’re going to say yes every time, aren’t you?”
He shrugged. “Maybe not every time. But most. Probably.” His eyes shone, still teary. “I’m still going to worry.”
“I think that’s every parent’s job. I don’t think that’ll stop. But we can relax now. Everything’s okay.”
He nodded. “More than okay. It’s fucking amazing.” There was more in his eyes now, more than happiness and excitement.
And it was all for me.
It was a four hour journey, more or less, to York from Anglesey, most of it on A-roads rather than motorways, meaning the scenery was pleasant and worthy of a few stops for me to take photos. The rain had blown off, leaving us with a mild day, but given the scan this morning, the weather wasn’t dominating our conversation.
We talked about the baby in real terms now. Having seen them on screen and heard their loud, fluttering heartbeat, it felt very real and very amazing. We talked about names for the first time, both of us adamant that if it was a girl, she wouldn’t be called after my sister, unless it was for a middle name. Gully had a thousand and one cousins, all of whom had childrenthemselves, and he didn’t want to duplicate names, which ruled a lot out. By the time we reached York we were no closer to having a shortlist, but that didn’t matter because it would be months before we needed to make any decision.
York was as I remembered it at first glance. The landscape changed from fields and moors to villages and towns and then the city walls, the ancient architecture and millenniums of history. I’d first come here on a school trip as a teenager, and had then spent some weekends when I was a student, staying with a friend who was studying at the university here. At one point, there had been a pub for every day of the year and maybe there still was – this wouldn’t be the trip when I found out.
