I couldn’t take my eyes away. I didn’t want to take my eyes away. This man was who I’d chosen to be the father of my child, if all went well, and I knew I couldn’t have made a better choice.
He must’ve felt me watching him, turning round and lifting Calla’s arm so she was waving at me.
“There’s Auntie ‘Ris. Say hi to Auntie ‘Ris.”
Calla babbled at me, an attempt to say Auntie ‘Ris somewhere in there. There hadn’t been any talk about what Gully’s nephew and nieces would call me. This was something to pick up later.
“What do you want to drink?” Gully looked at me. “And eat? I’ll order now but ask for it in an hour.” He turned to Roe. “Is Freya coming here?”
Roe nodded, putting his phone down which he’d been checking. “She’s got one more client and then she’s headinghere.” He frowned, glancing at Gully. “Have you seen Mavis this week?”
Gully shook his head. “Not since we went to London. I meant to call in today, but I didn’t get round to it this morning and I thought she’d be here anyway.” He looked around the pub as if he was expecting her to just pop up.
“Freya mentioned that someone in the cakery this morning said she hadn’t been well.” Roe stood up, stretching.
They were carbon copies of each other, something that shocked me every time I saw them together, but they were so different at the same time. Roe was quieter, stiller, calmer than Gully. Gully moved faster, had more to say and smiled more – they were the obvious differences. The more I saw of Roe, the more I realised how different they were.
“She hasn’t been well for a bit.” He glanced at me. “Are you okay if - ”
“Go and check on her.” I held out my arms to take Calla off him. “Put your mind at rest.”
I sat with Calla on my knee, a soft crinkly book keeping her occupied, and her father facing me across the table. Roe had a pint, while I had a hot chocolate and a fresh orange juice. Silence lingered and it didn’t feel especially comfortable.
This was the first time I’d been on my own with Gully’s twin, partly through chance and partly because I’d avoided it. If I was Roe, I’d have all the questions and maybe a lot of distrust too and I hadn’t been sure how I was going to stand up.
“How’re you feeling?” Roe broke the silence first.
“I think it’s easier to say how I’m not feeling.” I tried to give him a smile but it possibly came out as something scary instead. “Worried, excited, scared, hopeful – it’s a rollercoaster. Another two weeks and I can take a test and we’ll find out.”
He nodded, just once. “He feels exactly the same.” Roe glanced towards the door where Gully had exited. “He doesn’twant you or him to be disappointed or upset, and you might not have noticed because he’s trying to be discreet, but he’s looking at you every two point five seconds to check you’re okay.”
I shook my head. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“You wouldn’t. I did the same thing when Freya and I were trying to get pregnant and Gully picked up on it – I think it made him nervous. It’s making me nervous now.”
This was as much as I’d heard Roe speak.
“I want to say that everything will be okay but I can’t say that because I don’t know. He’s done me such a massive favour - ”
I stopped because Roe was shaking his head.
“He wants this baby as much as you, so don’t feel you owe him. He’ll owe you just as much.” He sat back and folded his arms. “He wants you too, or that’s my guess.”
Now I was blindsided. “What?”
Roe’s mouth curved into a tidy smile.
“We’re just friends.” It sounded weak even to me. “Really good ones. Who’re having a baby together.” Calla reached a hand and tugged at my hair. I removed her fist before she removed my hair. “I don’t think he sees me that way.”
“Do you seehimthat way?”
I felt colour heat my cheeks. “I try not to. He’s my friend.”
Roe’s grin was huge. I hadn’t seen it before, apart from when it’d been cast towards his wife or little girl.
Before he could say anything else, Freya entered the pub looking windblown. Calla struggled in my arms, calling out for her mummy and before I knew it, Freya picked up her and cuddled her as if she hadn’t seen her for days.
“You look better.” She kissed her daughter’s forehead, then leaned down to kiss her husband. “What’ve I missed?”
