Those early days when I’d look at my phone every five minutes, expecting Ivy to have sent me a message have faded into the sea, I think. I know now she isn’t going to text or call or appear on my doorstep. I know I don’t have to go round to check on my parents and see if they’re okay, or worry about them anymore and I think I’m at the point where I’m feeling peace with that. It’s okay.
It really is okay.
There are days when it’s not, but I accept those now and look at photos or read one of her books. Then I feel closer to her for a few hours and there’s a peace in that which soothes me.
I can’t believe we didn’t talk about her when we met up either time and I’m trying to work out why. Was it because we’ve both moved on in a way that we no longer need the crutch of saying her name? Or was it because it went unsaid? I know you haven’t forgotten about her and I know you never will; that’s evident in the things you do and the books you write and the other projects you undertake.
Anyway, I’m overanalysing everything. I’m going on a date tonight. I feel differently about this guy than anyone else I’ve met recently. He’s a financier, which isn’t usually my type – they’re as boring as hell, which is probably unfair because it’s a stereotype and I’ve only met one or two people who work in the City who aren’t interesting, which is probably the usual ratio.
We met at the library, of all places. I was trying to reach a book on the top shelf and considering scaling up there, when this thick arm reached over me and plucked this book off the top and passed it to me.
It was a book of poetry by an obscure poet I’d been tracking down for ever and couldn’t find in print anymore, but the library did have it in.
That started our conversation and it ended up with us making a date for dinner – which is in a couple of days. We’re going to a nice but not pretentious restaurant near St Paul’s Cathedral and I’m excited about it. It was a bit of a meet-cute, if you know your romance tropes, which I know you do, so we’ll see what comes of it.
Have you had your date with the agent yet? She was definitely on a mission all weekend at Harrogate to get you to agree to go out? Where are you meeting her? I want the details?
How’s Elias doing? I really need some more pictures of him. I feel so invested in this even though I’ve only met Finn once.
I have a trip planned to Amsterdam in a couple of months, if you want to join me? I’ve been commissioned to take photos for a travel magazine and they cover the expense of a companion as well, so you could be that companion if you’re free. Let me know. If you can’t, there are a few other people who I know will make it – and you never know, Mr Meet Cute might still be around then.
I’m moving apartments. I put this one on the market last week, mainly because I want a change and to move to another part of London. It sold within two days, so I need to find somewhere fairly rapidly and I don’t want to rent. I’m thinking of moving closer to the West End and then I can catch more shows and be more central in London. I saw your cousin’s play last week and I think I caught her and her husband – Anthony – afterwards in a bar. A networking in would be great as I’d love to get more tickets or be invited to an after party – actors always want headshots and I have an idea of what I could do as a new project.
See, I don’t use you for your contacts at all!
I’m off out to meet a friend for coffee now, which I think will end up spilling into drinks and probably a messy dinner. She’s been involved in a thruple for about five months and it’s been like watching a car chase with a crash at the end, and I think we’re approaching the crash. She was the third person, the other two – a man and a woman, I think they’re called Ste and Briony – have been together years. For some reason – probably the high of lust – she thought this was it, this unconventional relationship would make her world and I think for a couple of months it has done. But it seems, from my point of view anyway, that she’s just been their plaything and it was always going to peter out. They haven’t been awful to her or anything like that, they’ve just not been seeing her as often and she’s spiralling because she obviously wants them to be as into her as she is to them and she’s seeing that they’re not, so I’m spending an afternoon/evening watching someone else’s drama. It sounds voyeuristic, and don’t get me wrong, I’ll be supporting her, but this isn’t the first time she’s gotten quickly and heavily involved in a relationship. Going off past experience, we’ll have two weeks of moping and then the next shiny thing will come along and all will be forgotten about Ste and Briony.
On that note, I’d better get ready.
Love,
Iris
Dear Iris,
I’m invested now in the thruple drama and need an update. What actually happened? Why did Ste and Britt stop being in touch? Also, how was your date with Mr Financier?
I don’t think I can do Amsterdam, as much as I’d like to. I have another book deadline looming and this isn’t one I can push back as the following month’s completely taken up withpublicity for the TV series and other shit that pisses me off when I’d rather be writing. It means I’ll be away from Puffin Bay too, which also means leaving Elias.
I do have news for you. I know telling you not to share it isn’t necessary because even if you told your thruple friend and she told Ste and Britt, it still wouldn’t get back to Ruby and Finn and anyone on the island.
Ruby’s pregnant.
I think this is some sort of miracle or I’ve been doing way too much overnight babysitting of Elias, because I assumed that the following few months after having a baby, you’d not be interesting in anything apart from surviving, but it seems they’re still in the honeymoon period or something and also forgot that you’re still fertile straight after having a baby, so she’s expecting baby number two, when baby number one will be under a year old, so they’re officially having Irish twins. And I can say that because I’m half Irish. Or three quarters – the actually DNA percentage isn’t calculating right now.
I think Finn and Ruby are trying to keep it quiet right now about the baby. I knew because Ruby took a test while I was just waking up on their sofa after looking after Elias during the night. I’m doing that a couple of times a week now, where I basically stay up and write through the night and feed him when he wakes or the times when he needs to eat. To be fair, he’s a really good kid already and sleeps like a log. I’m of the opinion that I’m his favourite person, but I haven’t shared that yet as I think it’ll damage my popularity with my family.
So Ruby got up, was a bit panicked and went and took a test. Finn sat next to me until she shouted to him and I caught this monologue from him about how he hoped she was pregnant combined with holy shit how are we going to manage two.
It was entertaining because I think either way with what the test said, he was going to be okay with it.
Anyway, she’s pregnant. They’ve come to the conclusion that this is a good thing as their kids will be close in age – but not in the same school year which I think they’re glad about – and they’re basically getting it done in one go. I’m sworn to secrecy until Ruby’s twelve weeks, which I can just about manage, but I think they’re telling Rowan tonight or tomorrow because it isn’t fair that I know and he doesn’t.
Which means they’ll tell Thane – Ruby’s brother – too, and he may or may not tell Fleur. If Fleur knows, Amelie will find out, and then they’ll tell Clover, who’ll let it slip to someone in the Puffin Inn and then the whole town will know, so I reckon everyone will be in the loop by a week tomorrow.
You really should visit here when you get time. I’m moving into the new house in three weeks’ time. We completed on the sale last week, so Fleur and her team have gone in there to decorate and furnish it. I haven’t just left it up to her, which would’ve been the easy option, and I think you’ll be proud of me for this. Fleur basically got catalogues and websites of furniture and wallpaper and all the rest, and I worked out from that what my style would be.
I’ve pretty much embraced the sea and gone for a New England theme throughout the house, wood and stripes and easy blues and browns. One of the bedrooms that looks out over the Strait has become my study, and the master bedroom is just sleek. I’m sorry to be leaving the lighthouse in the next few weeks, but it is time to have somewhere permanent.
