Slugs in shoes, woodlice in underwear, toy cars with punctures. These were all methods of revenge that she had no issue in enacting.
My sweet, beautiful baby had grown into a very independent and sassy little girl who was a miniature of her mother.
“Daddy, can we go to the beach this afternoon?” Theo jumped on my back, his foot kicking me straight in the spot where a football boot had been a few days before.
“Tomorrow. We’re spending the whole day there.” Which I was simultaneously dreading and looking forward to as the women were staying at the chateau for a day of facials, massages, wine tasting and food. The men were taking the vast amount of children to the beach.
The number of kids here had exploded over the last few years. We’d kept coming here as a bit of a tradition, especially since Rowan, Ryan and Jesse had all retired in the last few years so we didn’t see as much of each other on the football field. We all still lived close by, so off season and during the week were usually a different matter and the women were still close.
The total of kids was well over double figures, mainly because Nate had managed to father five in total, thanks to Amber getting pregnant with twins. Maya Genevieve and Lucas Jude had been born a year after Theo, the topic of whether Maya was too close in name to Maia going on for at least three months before the birth.
Neva had been all for it. Amber had felt guilty that she’d stolen Maia’s name. At the end of the day, they were pronounced slightly differently, and Maya ended up being called Maya-Gen a lot of the time.
A year after that, we’d had our third baby, another boy we’d named him Xander, another take on a Greek name that had become our theme, since Neva still wouldn’t let me use the name Achilles.
With our three and Nate’s five, we also had two from Ryan and Otter, two from Jesse and Jerrica and twins from Rowan and Dee. Nicky and Kitty had just had their first baby, so between us we would be responsible for sixteen kids, including Toby. Enough for a football team and five substitutes.
Which was why we still holidayed at a French chateau that had its own vineyard. This was also the first summer where no one was pregnant – that we knew of anyway.
“Want a beer?” Neva appeared, in a bikini, a sheer animal print wrap around her. She handed the bottle to me, because there wasn’t much need to answer the question, she knew what the response would be. “Babies and toddlers are almost all sleeping. Nicky and Jesse are on duty. Everyone else is about to descend. Enjoy the peace.”
There was another screech from Theo as Maia grabbed hold of his feet underwater.
“What peace is this?” I directed the top of my bottle at my children. “Just think, in another week my parents are turning up and taking them all to Disney for a week.”
Somehow, probably because they were insane, my mum and dad had decided to take the three children to Disney in Paris and give Neva and me almost a week on our own. We were both excited about being on our own together and absolutely bricking it at the thought of not being with our three small people.
“I’m not sure Disney will survive.” She shook her head, watching Theo climb on Maia’s shoulder and proceed to fall into the pool.
They were close, best friends when they wanted to be and each other’s most irritating object too. There were only eleven months between them, so Maia grew up without remembering any experience of being an only child, because Theo was always there.
He was bigger than her now, taller and stronger, and in the same year group at school although we’d asked for them to go into separate classes.
I hated to think how protective he was going to be when Maia was old enough to start going on dates; he’d already thumped one kid who’d tried to be mean to her, although to be fair, Maia could hold her own.
Neva sat down at the side of the pool, feet dipping in the water. “Can you believe they’re ours?”
They’d started to be nice to each other now, sitting together on one of the inflatables, which hopefully meant they’d tired each other out.
“Some days, no. Days when I find a trail of food, pencil sharpenings, stuffed toys and dirty clothes throughout the house, yes.” Because some days they were just like me.
“I think they’re just yours on those days. Xander scored a goal before. Side footed it and everything.” She gave me a grin that melted my insides. “I think he gets it from me.”
Theo was more Neva than me, very into racket sports and more academic than I’d been. Xander was already football obsessed. We had three sporty children – our problem was it was three different sports.
“Yeah, babe, he gets his football skills from you.” I shook my head - easier not to argue. “I can hear the masses.” There had been a couple of hours over lunch where we’d all done our own things. For the rest of the afternoon, the older kids would entertain each other, while the younger ones would be entertained by whoever was on duty – someone, probably Genny, had put together a rota. We’d created a soft play space, sensory area and a nap station, which was working better than we’d expected.
“Remember we need to make our children look less feral before the wedding.” She looked round at Theo and Maia who were now out of the water and lying on their stomachs on the grass, watching something on a tablet. “They need suntan lotion on.”
“I’ll sort it. You go and read your book. I’ll sort them.”
She gave me the smile that was my favourite one.
“I’m glad you made me that offer when we were here, Jude Whittingham. Best offer I ever took.” Her arms wrapped around me, clearly not caring that I was dripping with pool water.
“Best offer I ever made. Are you still glad you married me?” I pressed a kiss to her lips, hearing loud yuck noises coming from my spawn.
I ignored them.
