He made it clear he wanted us to carry on. He’d also made it clear he didn’t want us to be a secret.
“How long are you staying for? At the chateau?” I was still making small talk. We needed to get past small talk.
At work, I had a role. A purpose. I was the team’s nutritionist. Outside and away from the grounds, I was Neva. I had to be Neva with Jude for the time we spent together in France, and not let anyone pick up on the awkwardness between us.
Easier said than done.
“I’ll fly back a couple of days before I’m due to have the next scan, so just under two weeks. You?” He shot me a grin.
It hit like a bullet to the heart.
I just wished he wasn’t so damned gorgeous. Those boyband looks had morphed into a smoulderingly beautiful man.
“A couple of weeks. I think I’m just there for babysitting duties.” I watched Amber’s little boy run across the grass towards his Aunty Jez, Nate’s little sister, lifting his arms to be picked up.
He was a cutey, all dark hair like his mother and full of charm like Nate. I’d ached when he was born, wishing he was mine, or rather, wishing I had one too.
Being around him and the other kids, even though they were older, was a blessing and a curse. I adored them. I even gave them chocolate. I was the fun almost-aunt and their choice of babysitter, which I loved more than anything, but I really wanted one of my own.
The problem was very much a man one. I didn’t have the capability to make one on my own.
“I think that’s why we’re all there. Nate and Amber were definitely planning days away without the kids.” He looked over to where Nate’s two daughters were dive bombing into the pool. “Wish I could join them.”
“You will soon enough. Just don’t fuck it up.” I gave him a look I knew could make men wince.
“I don’t intend to. I have a bit more restraint nowadays.” He didn’t smile when he said it, his tone almost cutting, which was unlike Jude.
“That’s good.” For us both. I stood up, leaving my glass where it was, and heading over to Nate’s daughters. I needed a distraction.
Quickly.
MORE THAN TWO YEARS AGO.
“Jude! Jude! Let’s go to the club. I’ll pay for your first dance!” Tom Hinchcliffe bellowed.
I looked over at Genny and shook my head. “He’s going to go and you know what’s going to happen.” Jude had no willpower sometimes. Saying no to Tom Hinchcliffe (who he’d played alongside in the England under-seventeen team years ago) just wasn’t in his vocab. Tom was notorious for ending up in the tabloids, usually with a couple of wannabe WAGs or Z-list reality TV hopefuls, wanting the publicity. Tom was also a free agent, without a club after being released. Too much booze, too much partying, not enough football.
Genny shook her head. “Can you try to get him home? The boy needs a keeper- and not a fucking goalkeeper. I need to pick Guy up from a restaurant – please, can you Jude-sit?”
I nodded. I didn’t have anything else to do. My other best friend was pregnant and building a life of bliss with her boyfriend and the club’s actual goalkeeper, and currently wasn’t really speaking to me. I hadn’t had a date in forever, because every man I met was either only interested because I had connections to Manchester Athletic or because he was a slimeball with a point to prove to women.
I had sworn not to get involved with a footballer or anyone involved with a football team too. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them – I did. They could be idiots, but so could most people. I knew the lifestyle though and the amount of training that was needed, the restrictions on what they could and couldn’t do, and the time spent away from home, especially at international level.
So that ruled out the majority of men I met on a day-to-day basis.
Great.
Jude knocked back the rest of his cola, because, bless him - he wasn’t drinking. He didn’t need alcohol to be impulsive and reckless though, he just got caught up in the crazy.
I downed my wine and walked over to him, his whole body moving even though he wasn’t on a dance floor.
“Neva the nutrition police!” He grinned at me as I got closer. “You coming with us to the strip club?”
I shook my head and smiled, beckoning him over.
Jude frowned, probably surprised by my smile. I was usually glaring at him. “What’ve I done? I haven’t been drinking.”
“I know.” I kept beckoning him. “I need a lift home. Genny drove me here but she’s had to go to rescue Guy. Can you help?”
